....Nothing again....

I'm surprised that I haven't come up with any revelations in a while. None. Nada. Zip. First with the art, now with the revelation....When will the droughts stop?

I went to camp again today. I wasn't very happy about it, and while I was there I was SOO tired. I mean, I went to bed at like 11, but I was just fatigued.

My mom gave me a compliment today, and I've been thinking about it even since she said it this morning. She told me that I actually had a wasit and that I was losing weight. She said I looked nice, and when she saw me wear this outfit that I had for a couple years (I wore it for my 11th birthday) she looked shocked. The outfit's actually loose on me. I felt nice after she said it. I guess if I wasn't black I would of blushed (lol).

Speaking of birthday's MY birthday (14th) is Saturday. I'm not all too excited. Another year down and nothing great accomplished. That's how I see it. Yeah, that's the depressed, pessimistic way to see birthdays. I know I'm having a cake, but other then that I don't know what's going on. I bet we're going bowling, cause the last 2-3 years on my birthday me and my mom and my sister and cousins went bowling. It was fun when I was young and didn't care about the fact that I suck at bowling, but now I know it'll be painful. But then another little part of me thinks we're going to Cedar Point. (who hasn't heard of Cedar Point the amusement park? It's known worldwide...) Like with the IX Center, I don't really want to go. The last time we went, it was hot and I was constipated the whole day (I didn't know that until after nearly exploding on a roller coaster) plus everything was broken down....Ah, I'm going on my complaint rant, so I might was well stop.

Ignore my spelling mistakes if there are some...It's too hot for me to care right now...

Hmmm...

I was just checking a couple of blogs that I have in favorites and....None of them has posted anything in the last couple of days...They all stopped at the same day....And since that day...They haven't posted anything...That's....Kinda weird.

Anyway, nothing's going on here as usual. I did draw a picture (yay!) which sorta sucked, but I'm ok with it. It took me like a good three hours to get the body down and then like one one and a half to get the face and clothes on and stuff...It was hard. I'm glad with it though, it's better then some of the other stuff I've made.

Well, I'm gonna go now....

Bye...

Nothing.

Nothing's really happened at all today. I sat around, tried to beat the Loveless game on the computer and failed miserably and just ended up screaming in anger, and that's it. I was about to draw a picture (me and my excuses) but my sister wanted to play my video game. At first I sad no, but then I gave in when she said "If you let me play the game I won't tell mommy when you go on the computer." Just the kind of words I want to hear! So, she's playing it now and I'm on the computer...

I finally figured out how to work the Deviant Art submission process. I clicked the wrong sub-section and just messed the process up, until today! Yeah, I feel good and smart. The process wasn't that bad after I got the hang off it.

Yesterday my mom went on a printin rampage and printed out all these anime pics for my little sister Arieana. She went to animegalleris.net and I was like "Who told her about this site?". I mean, anime's what I"M into. Not my mom. Sounds selfish, but when your mom wants to butt her head into EVERY part of your life, having one section that you keep private is basically needed. Ah well, I did feel a little better informing her about the people and stuff. I felt so knowledgable! Ah, it's good to know more than other people sometimes...

Drama, Drama, Drama

Ah, God.

My cousin, Priscilla, is going down the drain. She's basically becoming a hoodrat. I hate to talk about family like that, but it's true. She used to be such a good role model for me and my sister and her little sister too, but now, down the drain. Now, all she wants is drama and attention.

Today she called, basically after months of not speaking to me or my mom, saying that she was gonna get in a fight with her best friend (NEW best friend aka trouble maker) and to call her back. I knew what was happening as soon as I heard her voice, she wanted help. I'm all for helping people who completely ignore me and my existence for months (Sadly, that was a true statement) but my mom on the other hand, just completely dismissed the call and went back to sleep (she works nights). Well, her sister (and my cousin) Robbyn, called a little while after just filling my mom in on the situation and saying that my grandpa was bringing her, Priscilla, AND the friend from down where they live to my grandpa's house. I didn't see how this would of helped the situation at all, but my input wasn't important.

Anyway, grandpa brings everyone the his house, and then he has to leave again to pick up my grandma. Well, he tells Robbyn (Priscilla little sister) to keep Priscilla and the girl at the house. That's impossible for anyone, let alone Robbyn. So the girl and Priscilla go down the street over some person's house and then has like a argument over the phone with the people they're supposed to fight. Me and my mom get over there and we basically sit and wait for the fighter people to show up. After like 20 minutes me, my mom, and Robbyn leave to go over my grandma's house. After a while over there me and my mom just come home. It was useless to stay over there and wait for these people to show up, when we all know they aren't gonna show up. It was like common sense to know, they weren't coming.

I miss my old cousin. She used to be so cool, I used to look up to her. I used to wanted to be like her. Like, last summer, she stayed over my house for the summer, we used to stay up all night talking and now we barely say hello when we see each other (if I see her). I mean, it sucks. She goes to her friends before she comes to her family. I'll always be there for her, but sometimes I think she completely forgets about me, my younger sister and her younger sister. She's the oldest of the cousins (even though there's basically four of us) and she should be a role model, not a model of the street life. It's saddening, but what can I do? She won't listen to me, I'm just her younger cousin who goes nowhere, does nothing, and has awesome grades. I'm not a peer to her anymore. I'm just...Not even on the scale. I hope she stops smoking weed and going to parties and stuff soon, cause my mom called Judge Hatchett and they called back, so it's only a matter of time before we all go down there on the show to smooth this all out.

Continued...!

The X-men movie was amazingly awesome. I mean, just fantastic. I won't give it away, but it was awesome and I DO recommend everybody see it!

Well, that's about it. Nothing else has happened. I was planning on going to Arts Collinwood this week (even though I don't have to) but when I woke up this morning, that wasn't happening. I was half dead to the world, and I coudn't really talk. It was not a *Hang around kids* kinda mood.

So, all day I sat on my behind, went on the computer (the sick one, which is slowly getting faster) and played a game (Thanks Vienna!!) and lost said game (Ritsuka is just so darned complicated, just take your clothes off!) and did nothing. Had another little binge, but I had to hold back, and I actually listened to my browser this time (yay!)...Yep..

Oh yeah, lost my cable, but I got it back in my room...

Since nobody in the whole house has cable but me, I gots to go. Dr.Phil is on (boy I need to get out more...) hopefully I can come back on later...But as of now, I'm missing Dr.Phil...See you soon!

The world is a big place...

Revelation #8:I need to get out more.

Well, the trip to the mall yesterday ALMOST didn't happen. I had to lie, cheat and steal, cause my mom was being...Ugh, I still respect the woman so I can't say it.

The whole thing with my mom was, she actually wanted to talk to Nick's mom. Nick's the guy by the way. The rational side of me said "Hey, that's cool. Show's you care." The teenage side (which rules over any other side) said a couple things that the world doesn't need to know. Lol, no, I was pissed. I mean, my mom basically threatened Nick in the beginning of year (don't ask why, it's a LONG story about idiotic bitches and cliques (sp?)) so I'm still in shock his mom said yes...I feel like I'm not making any sense, so to cut to the chase, my mom was being on the nosey side. Or aka actually giving a damn. It was crazy. So I lied a little, but it was one of those lies that really has no effect on anyone. I'm serious. Lol.

Ok, but anyway, I need to get out more. I basically, went crazy. Lol (there goes me blowing stuff out of proportion...) but it was fun. The first two hours we walked around and then saw a movie. I introduced Nick (a fan of teenage type books and a little magic here and there) to manga. He made jokes (like saying "What happened to the sun?" as soon as we got to the shelves) but it was nice to tell somebody about my obsession. I didn't get into my little obsession about yaoi and shota (first, cause I don't know how to pronounace "yaoi" and second cause, well, I'm not ready to admit my addiction...Lol, it's a joke.) but it was cool to tell him about something that he didn't know about. (all, well both, my friends, for some reason, know just about everything else before I do...it was fun to inform one of them for once).

After that we went to see X-men 3. That movie rocks. I usually can watch anime movies more than once, but that movie I can watch a thousand times over...

I gotta go...mom's home..I'll continue this later.

My hysteria is gone...

Well, no revelations today. It's late, and I'm too excited to think of one...

Anyway, I tried to fix the spyware problem on the computer yesterday and I found out that my computer downstairs has 14, 025 infections on it. Yeah. All that energy wasted over nothing. I already got rid of nine of them, so yeah, progress.

ANYWAY, the real meat of the subject: I'm gonna hang out with my best friend tomorrow! He's like me crush/best friend...I'm excited.

I was all surprised that my mom even said yes. And then I asked my dad and he said yes! Wow. I know I'm blowing this out of proportion, but I've never hung out with friends outside school before. I mean, wow. I'm acting like a normal teenager...This is crazy!

Wow!

I can't wait, I haven't seen him since school let out on the 8th. I'm so excited!

Wow!

Ok, I think I'm going crazy again. I'm so happy and nervous and stuff. I don't know why. God, I'm gonna be hanging out ALONE with my friend. Wow.

*Frowns*

Ok, I'm all pooped out from this excitement. Gonna go to bed now.

Bye.

I'm calm now...

Well, I just checked out my computer (the one upstairs) and it seems ok...I'm still a nervous wreck though..I just wanted to put this out to say I'm calm, and not in crazy killa mode anymore.

But anyway, back to the porportions...I suck at them. I don't know why. I always make a beautiful head, but when I fill it with eyes, they turn out lopsided and crooked and hedious. Maybe if I learned to draw a straight line...Or a decent cricle. And my bodies suck...I guess I need confidence...or something like that. Haha.

Just for kicks (since I'm calm now) I'm gonna try to draw something and post it on here (or, post it on Deviant Art and just give a link to my page there.) Yeah, I feel better.

(This change from hysteria to calm can be based on the hormones. It's always based on the hormones...I wish this imbalance would change. Real bad.)

THE BROWSER WINDOW IS ALWAYS RIGHT!!!

Revelation #6: ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR BROWSER!!!!!

That had to be put in caps for a reason. I learned a valuable lesson today, and it's to always listen to your browser window. If the browser says it's not safe, then dammit, IT'S NOT SAFE!!

Here's the story: While I was going on a shota binge, I went to Google to look up the goodness. I found a couple good websites and those entertained me for a while, but it was a binge; I couldn't stay in one place for long. So, I kept searching and found this website (can't remember the name) on Google, saying it had pictures and doujinshi ( I was praying for a Loveless one) and fanfics and the works. I had to check it out. It'd been dumb for me to pass it up. Well, I clicked on the site and this little window popped up saying that my browser did not trust the website's certificate or something. I had seen the window before (for the SAME DAMN WEBSITE!) but this time I ignored it, cause I wasn't thinking properly, I was thinking shota goodness and possibly yaoi. Well, low and behold, I click yes on the window and when I get to the website, it's this blank page that says "Your computer has just been infected with spyware." I was shocked and scared. Just terrified. So, I quickly shut down my browser window, did a system restore and tried to do a spyware scan, but the thing like stopped working in the middle of the scan...

Now, on the new computer (well, the one upstairs), the internet keeps going on and off....Ah God, I'm a nervous wreck. Why would someone make a site like that? It's stupid (but then again, I was being stupid by actually going to the site)...Urgh. I'm mad. And ashamed....How could someone defile my shota search like that? Why? Why is the world so cruel?

AND WHAT WAS I THINKING?!!? What happened to me? Where'd my brains go? I should of listened...Why! I just don't know. Man, I used to be so safe...And now I'm exposed and hung to dry on the net like that....I hate my odd little obsession with shota...Well, maybe not hate it but hate my actions to get it...I wish I could find a Loveless doujinshi somewhere....CHRIST! I just fell into temptation again...I'll never be helped.

Ah well, what can I do other than blame myself and try to fix the problem. Or ignore the problem and never have my computer-challenged family find out about it. I think I might go the latter route..I've had this problem before, the computer downstairs being all messed up. Last time I ignored the problem (I lost a majority of my files the last time my computer got...what's the word...hacked, infected, attacked) but I got over it. I will survive.

I will survive.

Revelation # 7: I suck at proportions...

On a lighter note, not only do I suck at art, I suck at proportions. I tried to draw something yesterday, and it went downhill. I mean, I made a beautiful head, but when I went to plan out the shoulders, I didn't know what to do...Like, other people make it seem so easy, but when I try to draw something....

Man! *breaks out in cold sweat* I just lost my internet connection. I'm so freakin nervous man. I don't know what to do. Come clean to my folks so my dad can attempt to fix the problem or fix it myself...I don't want BOTH my computers to be messed up..This is crazy man. I don't like this. I need a break...I wish I never went to that site!!

I'm gonna fix the problem myself. I'm gonna go. If you don't see me for a while (longer than a week) ,well Blogger (and other people that might be reading this) I will miss you.

(I might be taking this too seriously, but I'd rather be the judge of that AFTER all this computer drama is settled out...)

The Angry Revelations 3-5

Revelation #3: I have a major attitude problem.

This wasn't that much of a revelation, just a statement of fact. I don't know what has been going on with me lately, but I do know that I have gotten a little mouthy and a whole lot..Angry. I'm always mad at someone (most likely my mom, and just recently I've been getting mad at my keep to himself dad), or something, or life, or myself. When I'm mad at myself, I'm mad at my skills. Or lack thereof.

I need to change this. The only times I'm happy is when I'm by myself...That's not good. Is this normal? Do all 13 year old females feel better by themselves? Or is it just me being a hermit? Most likely the hermit thing. I pray it's the hermit thing. Ah, just thinking about being around people...It's scary.

The odd thing is though, I hate being around people physically. When I chat with my friends (basically 2 people) on the net, I enjoy it and get happy. But today at that Arts Collinwood meeting, I felt really pissed. I don't know why. I ate before I left (99.9% I'm pissed cause I'm hungry, lol) and even though I was a little tired I shouldn't have been that mad. Or I got pissed cause I only got nine days again. Fooey.

Revelation #4: No matter WHAT the situation is, it's ALWAYS embarrassing to have your ride come LATE!!!

Ok, it's sorta my fault for not telling my dad a couple of days ago about me needing a ride, but that was when I thought my mom was going to be able to pick me up. I can't help it that my sick great-grandmother is a little on the needy side and needed quick attention.

Well, it is ALL my fault. I shouldn't of waited until the last minute to tell my dad the info. But this goes with the attitude thing. My dad is either A)Not home B)At work C)Busy (Haha, that's funny) D) Playing with my sister, which basically should be put in the *busy* category. Can you feel my attitude? Cause, as of now, I'm pissy again. Ugh. My dad shows my sister bucket loads of attention, man. Sometimes I think he shows her the red carpet while I get concrete cause I show my mom bucket loads of attention. Which is stupid. No matter what, each child should get the same amount of attention...I should put that in bold. Ah well, knowing me, this subject is bound to come up again.

Well, the point is, NO matter WHO'S fault it is for making the driver late, it's ALWAYS embarrassing. Try telling busy art people that you have to wait for your ride to come. 5 people asked if I needed a ride home, and a couple of thousand asked if I called my ride. And since I have this attitude problem, smiling and saying "Yeah, I called." a couple times is basically a legal form of murder...Ok, I MAY have blown that out of proportion, but hell, blame the attitude. (Lol, that's my new excuse "Blame the attitude.")

Revelation #5: I care A LOT about my hair, and your thoughts about it don't register in my mind as important. (Yes, I'm talking to YOU Mom.)

I guess this comes with being a teenager, but I LOVE my hair. Well, WAS in love with my hair. Now, I don't like it much.

My hair before was basically flat curls that used to be wispy. I had curls for graduation, but since then they turned flat, and I didn't look half bad. My hair was loose and hung to my shoulders. FINALLY!! I had asked my mom for months to let me have my hair loose and not tied up in ponytails and crap. I finally get what I want and my mom has to tell me constantly that she hates it. She blames the hairdresser lady (who wasn't my usual one), but I know she blames me, cause I was the one who chose the hairstyle.

(I wonder if I'm making any sense...) But anyway, for the past couple of days, I'm been basking in the fact that my hair is down and I can actually pull it behind my ear! (crazy, I know) but my mom had to destroy that dream today. She sat me down and brushed my hair to the back, like she was going to put it in a ponytail, but she didn't put it in a ponytail. She just left it like that. I was LIVID. I don't know why either....I was just soo....I was mad. Then my dad had the nerve to comment on it when he picked me up. I just thought "It's not my fault my mom hates my hair down and wants me to look like a crazy person." Ugh.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. The more I think about people the angrier I get. Maybe this is a *bad day* which is crazy cause I didn't do anything today! Except go to that meeting.

Speaking of the meeting, I only got nine days again. But this time I'm praying that my mom will take me everyday (cause they said, if you want to show up everyday you can) so I'd at least have something to fill my summer and hopefully I could meet some new people (which I know deep in my attitude filled heart that I won't). Ah well. My mother the beautician is on her way home, so I better leave.

Let's just hope and pray that this attitude thing will pass soon. I really am I happy person...The hormones just aren't making me feel that way...Ah well.

I'm a graduate...Of 8th grade...

No revelations today...I couldn't think of any...

Well, I graduated 8th grade Thursday. Nothing really spectacular happened. I got jealous of people for getting more awards than me, but that happens basically every year. Nick got both the Religion Award (for having the highest religion grade) and the What would Jesus Do Award. Both of those awards are a crock of bullsh*t cause 1)Everyone in ALL 3 classes had the SAME religion grade, I know, cause I checked. And 2)The WWJD Award is only for Catholics, which cuts down about 90% of the class. Ah well, I'm happy for Nick. Nneka won the WWJD and Caitlyn (of course, she wins just about everything) won the Religion Award. I won the Religion Award last year...Ah well.

At graduation I cried. I didn't mean too, but I did. I know I'm gonna miss Mrs.Benko and Mrs.Swol and everybody. I have all their email addresses, but I haven't emailed them yet. I really don't know what I'm waiting for...I guess it's cause I'm lazy...

Tomorrow there's this meeting for Arts Collinwood, this half a day art camp. I'm gonna be a counselor again this year. I was last year and I worked a total of nine days...It was embarrassing. The kids didn't even know who I was cause I only showed up in the beginning, middle, and end. I hope it changes this year.

I'm excited. I got my artistic start at that camp. If I wasn't jealous of that Goth girl that went to the camp, I would of NEVER gotten seriously interested in art. I mean, I drew little doodles before, but because of that goth girl who basically had the Gift of Art, I would STILL be drawing doodles...Well, crap doodles at least.

That Goth girl was 14, and she was soo good, that she could of went to Art school right there. That's what this one guy said, and he went to Art college. He was a good artist too...But anyway, the girl was 14 with the gift! I'm 13 and I only have a good month before I'm 14! When will I be blessed with the gift!? Lol. I know sooner or later. I HAVE gotten better at my art. I mean, people still cringe a little when they see my artwork, but it's a lot better then them giving me a look of horror. Hahaha.

Well, I'm going.

Guess what? I joined Deviant Art on June third, and I haven't done a damn thing with it since then...Ah, that sucks. Just like my art. And life.

Revelations 1-2

Revelation #1: If you feel the need the change something, then dammit, change it! You're more important than all those other people anyway.

Yes, now I'm talking to myself. It was the change that was needed. I just want to be able to tell people about my blog and not feel embarrassed at its crapiness. At least now, when I tell people about my crap blog, I won't feel as embarrassed because I know I made the blog my way.

Revelation #2: Don't EVER go on a field trip with your classmates. And if you do, just try not to blend in with them.

Thursday the 8th, 7th and four sixth graders went on a big Spring Trip to Pittsburgh. We went to the Heinz field for a tour (we're from Cleveland, we could a really cared less about the Steelers AWESOME stadium), we then went to the Carnegie Science Center and Sportsworks, then after that we went to the Andy Warhol museum. Dinner was at the Golden Corral.

Anyway, the whole time, most of my classmates were acting like hoodlums. To make matters worse, there was a whole bunch of other schools there from Ohio and Pennsylvania! So, the St.Jerome students were acting like hoodlums and idiots in front of people from TWO states. It was bad and horrible. I just had to walk away and try to NOT be involved with them.

I don't understand why they had to act that way. They acted like they had no home training whatsoever. In the museum people kept touching stuff that WASN'T supposed to be touched. Two girls almost got into a fight (both from my school) over he said/she said stuff and whenever we walked ANYWHERE we sounded like a pack of elephants. It was horrible. Just...Bad.

Well, I'm gonna write later (or tomorrow) cause my mom's home with the immaculate,
Food.

Change of Plans

I've been thinking over the past couple of days of how I want this whole blog thing to work out. I mean, so far, this blog is a major commitment. But I find now that I don't like my blog (No, not becuase NO ONE reads it) but because...it's not me. I don't know, I guess I lose some of my hatred for humanity through the keystrokes that go into the typing of this blog. So, I'm changing it. I'm still gonna keep this particular blog (I'm too lazy to start a brand new one) but the whole presentation is gonna change. (Unless I get on the lazy side and/or I forget about the change (yeah, just one basically) being made.

The change will start with the next post. haha, my laziness is coming back! (plus, i gotta pee....)