Replaced

Jayson has officially replaced me with Katherine and Kat has replaced me with a whole bunch of freshmen. I suck.

It hit me like a ton of bricks today after mid-terms. I was sitting there talking to her and then I just realized that I wasn't really that important to her. Then she kept mentioning how she's been talking to Jayson on Myspace and on this Gay Teen Forum thing (I would love to make an account there and BS my way to...Well, never mind.) and he never told me about that! Then again we haven't talked for a few weeks.

I'm pretty sure Jayson wants me to call him, which isn't happening. Especially now. I'll probably call his cell after this week, but not during. I really need to buckle down and study.

Back to the point, I feel a little sad. I'm not really important to a lot of people. I'm usually second fiddle. That's not bad, but I do love attention from friends. I really do. Maybe I should call Jayson's house...

But I have a huge phobia about stuff like that!! I really hate calling people's houses. Like, detest. Loath. That's why I give people my cell number so they don't have to go through the same embarrassment I feel when calling houses. Hopefully I'll grow out of this silly thing, but as of right now, me growing out of it will be a long time from now.

Today went pretty well, aside from that noticing I wasn't really on a few people's top friends list thing. Maybe I should get more active in Myspace? Naaah.

This is short. Short to me at least. I gotta get my hair washed. I should finish this another time...But I need to study! Study study study!

Did you know minna means everybody in Japanese? I was wondering about that for a while, and now I know! Woohoo!

Hmm...

OK, the last few days I really didn't study much. Well, I didn't study at all, maybe two hours a day, not even that.

So now, I'm worried.

I knew I would regret this! I knew it! Damn you....Well, I won't say it here, but still, what I was doing for free, on the Internet, involving video, of people, should be damned. No wonder it's a sin.

I hate when I get distracted by something stupid. Anything on the Internet is stupid to get distracted by since it'll always be there, or at least be there when I'm done studying...

But there's light at the end of the tunnel! This morning, while dreaming of some crazy stuff, involving people, mostly gay males, I recited a whole bunch of Biology stuff. I'm not sure if I said it out loud, but I just went through most of my study guide. I was amazed! I totally didn't know I remembered that stuff. It made me feel good that I have such a good memory.

The school week starts tomorrow and I'm nervous. Not really about Biology and Theology, my first tests. I'm worried about Spanish and Math (I'll tell you now, it will be a miracle of huge proportions if I pass that Math mid-term with an A.) because those are some of the classes I'm struggling in. Especially Math! God, I hate that class.

I really need to get back to Rping. That's the one thing I told myself I would drop for mid-terms. If only I could drop everything else...

Studying...Not really.

Dude, I lost my vagina picture! I'm so pissed and worried! Man, I lent it out a few times during Biology and now I don't have it. I mean, I could get another picture and fill it out, but it won't be the same!

I'm such a nerd...Good Lord.

Hmm, I didn't enjoy work today. It was boring and I spent it surrounded by files. Files upon files upon files! I detest files now. I also detest having to put loads of files in alphabetical order. I did that for like four hours. It was boring in the beginning, plus I was cramping like hell, but then I started to imagine a story in my head and it got better. Then I started to sing songs from the Lion King and it was awesome. Although I was really worried someone would hear me, since I was right next to a couple of cubicles.

Studying is so boring! I can't believe I started so late! Didn't I mention I would regret not starting to study sooner? Yes!

I noticed yesterday that I post mini-novellas. Would that turn people off? I dunno. Some people like to read, others don't. If I saw a blog post that was long I would probably read it. If it was short I wouldn't want to read it because I wouldn't know what was going on. Then again it doesn't really matter how long my blog posts are, because my blog is by, like, Russian blogs. And if people happen to be cruising Russian blogs they sure as hell aren't looking for ones in English!

I don't really know if I want people to read my blog. My life really isn't all that amazing. I go into these long stints of not posting. I talk about shota and pedophiles a lot. There's 'teenage' in the title. Not a lot of things people, average people, would want to read.

Do pedophiles have blogs? I was looking for some a while ago and didn't find any. What would I search? YF, young friend? All the ones I found using that were for churches and youth groups, not a hint of shota in them.

That's freaky though, looking for pedophile blogs. It's almost an obsession I have, in a scientific kinda way. Not a, "I totally wanna be one of them!" way, more, "Look at the interesting specimens!" way.

Sometimes I wish I was a short gay male. A black male, but sometimes white too. That'd be kinda awesome, but sucky. I doubt the black community would be really accepting of me, if I was a gay dude. Who am I kidding, no way they'd accept me! I bet I would be a flamer! I don't want to be a flamer! Noooooooo!

I dislike flamers and their broken wrists!! Nooooooooooooooaaaaaarrrrgggghhhh!

Found!

Real imaginative title, I know.

My binder was found! Without my notebook! I'm still happy I have my History binder and my planner. I can get notes from other kids.

The return of my binder confirms that Jasmine did in fact steal it and I'm not going crazy. Now I have a reason to dislike her, and I shall take that reason to the bank of justice! I hold grudges for a very long time...Well, not really. I usually need fuel to hold grudges, and if Jasmine stops stealing my crap, I won't have that fuel.

But I still don't like her.

You know, I need to change your name Ness. It reminds me of the Lock Ness Monster, and I don't like the comparison. I changed my blog's title, so it's time for a name change for you...I dunno what to call you, but I'm thinking about it!

Oh yeah, you know what else? If I was a teenage criminal who cheated off of others, I sure as hell wouldn't steal from the same girl twice. No, I would actually steal from a smart person once, but only if I knew there'd be know way for anyone to know it was me...

Wait! Here's what I'd do: I'd work my way up. First do a paper or two, then steal a paper from someone slightly smarter than me, then go up and up until my teacher is convinced I've gotten smarter! Though, that's a dumb idea. Which proves that stealing in general is dumb.

I bet I would make a horrible criminal. Maybe if I lost my conscience I would make a great one, but not now. No way! I would be worried out of my mind the entire time. I would wonder if the police would somehow find me out. I don't think they'd have a hard time. I'm really easy to identify.

I think if I went crazy I would make an awesome male pedophile...I shouldn't be talking about this...

Robbed...Again

I've had a crappy school day. It's one of those crappy days that go well until the very end, when you can taste the ending of a really good school day. A lot of crappy stuff happened in the past two hours.

OK, I come down to Art class after having a really awesome time in History. Me and my friends were doing charades of the famous people from the beginning of America. It was a blast! I love charades! I totally own that game, or pwn like the kids say these days. It was so much fun...

So, I come down to Art class with my binder and stuff, still looking through it so I can act out more people and things. I gave up and started to color my picture (It's coming together rather nicely, if I do say so myself.) and put my History stuff in front of me so I don't lose it or whatever.

The rest of Art class goes smoothly, though I got called out and complained about it for half an hour. Once school ended I was laughing it off with my friends, just joking around. Around 4, this girl, Jasmine, comes in and talks to us and goes crazy. I don't really notice what she's doing, since I'm working on my Art stuff. Then she leaves. And comes back and grabs her books, which were at the end of the table (I was in the middle, along with my History stuff.) and leaves.

About 5-10 minutes after Jasmine leaves, I notice my History stuff is gone. Along with my life, a.k.a my planner. I go crazy and start searching the room for my stuff, which was dumb, since it was sitting right in front of me only a few minutes ago. Seeing that I didn't lose it, I misplace my stuff a lot, I run downstairs, bugging people along the way to see if they've seen Jasmine.

I go to my locker, grab my coat, then I run, yes, RUN to the bus stops (there's two) to see if Jasmine is there. Let me tell you, these bus stops are a hump to WALK to, think about RUNNING there (Corriendo, is Spanish for running!....I think...I should be studying for finals...). Jasmine isn't there, so I run back to the school and search the Art room again for my stuff. I didn't find it, so I run around the school asking people if they've seen Jasmine. Then I run into my English teacher's room and tell her the situation.

Now, Jasmine has a past with me. Remember the girl who totally ripped off my paper last year? The girl who stole my paper from a pile of them, took it home, and copied my stuff word for word? And handed it in!? That's this Jasmine, the girl who I'm pretty convinced has my books. There's no other possibility!

Anyway, my English teacher goes to my History teacher, tells him the deal, and they both said they'd handle it. They also said they'd print off all the stuff I'd had in my binder which was EVERYTHING FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE SCHOOL YEAR! Everything! Everything!

After that I go into the hallway and burst into tears, borderline sobs. My English teacher tells me not to worry, but it's in my DNA to worry! I'm standing there like, "How the hell am I going to study for Finals? HOW?! I will kill her (Jasmine)!" I didn't say anything to my teacher, but I wanted to hunt down Jasmine and find out the truth.

When my mom comes and picks me up I tell her and she goes crazy. She rushes inside the school looking for my principal, who isn't there, and I'm forced to replay the half an hour time period when my stuff was stolen (or accidentally taken). Then my mom goes upstairs and tells my History teacher how she feels, including that she doesn't like the fact that Jasmine still goes to my school. Then we go home and my mom comforts me along the way...Not that I was crying, but we just talk and the talking was comforting.

I know what's going to happen tomorrow. Jasmine is going to lie and say she doesn't have my stuff, but I know she does. As soon as I looked up and noticed my stuff was gone, she popped in my head. My body knows these things! I know she has my crap and I want it back! I don't know what I'll do tomorrow if she doesn't have my stuff, but I know that she will be threatened. I don't care who's standing around, she will be up against a wall somewhere.

Why do people act like such ignorant bastards? Even if Jasmine didn't take my stuff on purpose, I'm just putting the question out there. Why act stupid? Do you not have any morals? This goes for anything. I really hate people sometimes. They just do stupid stuff over petty reasons!

I was about to say something...But then I forgot. I hope everything works out tomorrow, or someone will get their feelings hurt. Most likely me, but it's nice to put violent stuff out there like that.

Bowling

I joined the bowling team and let me tell you, I suck. A lot... Though, as I think about it, I do start off really well in the beginning. Today we had practice and the first game I played I totally destroyed those pins! Then as I got tired I started to suck more and more...Then I ended with a really bad score.

History class makes me want to cry. It's so painfully boring. I just go crazy in that class. I mean, if I was normal and didn't care about my grade there I would just go to sleep. but I can't do that. So, since I can't go to sleep, I stay awake, take crappy notes (He gives crappy notes.) and make jokes all throughout his class. Today I laughed and sang, and the only reason I didn't get jugged out of my mind is because he, my teacher, was laughing too. Everybody was laughing....

Ok, left my post and went and looked at Gothic Lolita clothing..I totally love that style.

Round Two

OK, after reading a few of my past posts I came to realize that I rock at being a human being and should continue telling people (coughyoucough) about my life. Which is very stressful right now.

Mid-terms are two weeks away, well, OK, maybe one week away... And I've given up on studying today. I'm going to regret it later, but I know I should catch up on my blog. I really need to check my spelling on this thing too.

Maybe it's just my monthlies (I was reading this book about a girl in like, the 1900s and she said "monthlies" and the term for "God wanting females to produce life" stuck.) coming, but I'm really stressed. And tired all the time. But the fact I want to cry and scream at the same time comes from stress. For sure.

Anyway, Math and Art made me want to cry an effing tsunami today. Gawd, they were so complicated! We're learning Geometry, I think, in Math class and I *was* completely lost. An hour ago I made a breakthrough and figured out I was over thinking the whole symmetry thing. Great. It was my fault the entire time.

I also realized that my memory of math crap I did in fifth grade is horrible. God-awful (Which is my new favorite combination of words, by the way.). Today in class, for some reason I can't remember, we had to do percents. I wasn't all that great at percents when I first learned them, hell, I still don't know the decimal places. I tried though, my Math teacher even told us how to solve the problem. Still got all the ones I attempted wrong. I wanted to cry. I was so beat up by the end of that class.

Don't get me wrong, being wrong isn't so bad. I'm wrong about simple things all the time. It's just when you're wrong so much, in front of the entire class, and that whole class sees you struggle...Then being wrong sucks.

In Art we're doing color schemes/mandalas. I'm behind in that class cause I had to tutor today. Anyway, the first 4 or 5 color schemes I made, she didn't really like. So today at school, around the time my mom was supposed to be there, I made a new one I really liked. Then I showed my Art teacher. After she determined which one I was pointing to, she said, "Oh, Ariel, I like that green right there." I was like, I made that on Monday, why are you telling me this now?! I could of incorporated it somehow! Then after me bitching for a while, she said, "Well, that one ((my color scheme)) is nice. Use whatever you feel comfortable with." I replied, "Well, how am I going to feel comfortable when the lady with the art degree suggests a different color?!" I felt like crying. Again.

The reason I got so mad was because everyone in my sophomore class has chosen their pencils for their color scheme and has them for personal use. The only colors left behind are ugly. And that green she loved wasn't in the ugly pile, obviously. I liked that green too, but when I showed it to her the first time she said, oh I can't remember, basically she discouraged me from using that color.

It makes me mad now, but I know that I'm gonna work with my color scheme. I liked them before my Art teacher ruined it, and I still like them now. The only thing left to worry about is the time I'll have to color that dang mandala, which isn't a lot. Er.... That is if I don't procrastinate, which will probably happen. That was the downfall of all the past art projects, this "down fall" leading me to stay after school for a too-long period of time. I might have to quit a few things next week.

In other news, I might get a summer job as a Junior Teacher at this Aspire Program at Hathaway Brown. The application is like twenty-pages long and requires you to make a lesson plan. I have my English teacher to help, so I'm not too worried. The only serious thing that bums me out about this opportunity is that fact that I will, WILL, WILL have to work on my birthday. My 16th birthday! This is a very important teenage birthday. And it had to land on an effing Tuesday this year! What a sucky day! Sucky sucky day!

I even tried now, when I don't even know if I'll be working at the place, to weasel out of it, but my English teacher basically said, "Well, celebrate it the weekend before, then go out to dinner the day of...But if you need the whole summer to rest.." C'mon. Did she not have a 16th birthday too? I bet she would of been more than a little pissed if she had to work at the ice-cream shop (One teacher worked there...) or whatever. But then again, when I'm older...If I become a teacher, I'll have the summers off! Huzzah! Then I won't have to work on my birthday...I should think of kids who have birthdays during any other season. They have to go to school! That would suck. I guess I should shut the hell up about my petty problem. I need to get the job first.

Oh! I became hysterically happy/depressed when I made this realization: My math teacher is gay. Yep, the happy "I love dudes" kind. I mean, my gaydar may not be the most well used, but whenever I've had friends come out to me (2 is a really big number to me, especially in my little world.) I've always known they were gay! So I've had experience in this matter. Everyone thought the guy was a little funny, but I now have definite proof. He's gay.

Why depressed, you ask? When normally I'm attacking the gays I encounter/fantasize over gays in general? Easy. The teacher I wanted to marry is gay. Forget the fact by the time I'm legal/somehow attractive he'll be, what? 28? Ten year difference, which isn't so bad in yaoi. But since I'm not some attractive, short, gay boy this all sucks! Why do I keep getting attracted to gay guys/goth guys/guys I would grow to hate in a few short hours/guys that don't like me? Am I setting myself up for failure?

Lately I've been fantasizing about my future husband and some gay guy (Maybe Jayson? Ha, no way.) who happens to be around. My husband is so damn effeminate that the gay guy, who's blond, is always hitting on him! And then we all laugh it off in my classroom after school.

One word about my fantasies: Realistic. (/sarcasm)

Whoaa...

Yeah, I haven't post here in a while. I've been, I dunno. I mean, I've been on the computer, just not on here...

Typing out posts is a long process for me. I like to change and edit stuff and then I might find something else on the computer to do, or I might have to get off the Internet. Like right now.

I really will try to post more often Ness. Sometime this year... After Mid-Terms maybe?