Jealous

Yep. I haven't changed. I still envy popular people.

I was reading some of my posts yesterday. I was talking about how I wished I were some people and how I wished I had more friends. I now know what I want. At least I think I do.

I don't want friends. I don't want fame or fortune. Artistic talent would be utterly amazing, yes! What I really want is someone to love me.

Sounds mega cheesy, but that's what I want. I know I have family and I shouldn't complain, but a family is supposed to love you. That's their job. It would be awesome to just have someone fawn over me or something. Be happy to see me all the time. Like, uber excited. I dunno. Basically a fangirl or fanboy for me.

Maybe people are happy to see me (Ms. Brickner comes to mind) but they don't show it. I guess. It's probably one of those situations where you don't know you have it till it's gone. So yeah, in that sense, I'm glad I have "it". I would like more though. I'm just greedy.

And maybe I'm not meant to be all lovey-dovey. I've never been in a relationship where lovey-dovey stuff is called for. Basically, I've never dated. I'm sure I'm gonna find a man though.

Finding a boyfriend doesn't bother me. Why? Men like sex. If it comes down to it, I'll have sex and get a boyfriend. I doubt I'd go that far, but just in case I'm almost prepared. Another thing is that there are a lot of awesome guys that aren't liked by the girls around them. So I'll step in and we'll date! In print it seems perfect but I know in real life it's not that simple.

Another thing that could make me feel this way is hormones. I think my teenage hormones are kicking in. Yeah, a little late, but they're here. And I hate it. I can't wait until I get out of this stage. Hopefully though, I'll keep all the mega cool things about the Teenage Me when I get to the Adult Me and lose all the crappy stuff. That'd be awesome.

Waterphobic

I don't know if you know this Ness, but I don't like water.

A part of me is like, "Ariel, you have a water sign! How can you not like the stuff?" but I don't. I'm terrified of it. Seriously.

I definitely know you don't know this: I take gym. What section of the gym class am I taking? Swimming!

It was all fun and dandy the other four weeks (when I got in the pool what, three times?) because all I did was float while holding on to something. But now the teacher wants me to float naked! I mean, float holding on to nothing! It's horrible! Today I burst into tears in the water because I was so nervous. It doubly sucked because I had goggles on and I'm sure everybody saw. Ah well.

Point is, I don't like it. I guess it's because I had to let go and just be. It's hard because I think I'm about to float away and sink to the ground like a lead weight. I really want to learn how to swim but I don't want to...I don't know what I don't want to do. I just wish I was swimming since I could walk like Claire or some of the other people in my school. That would make life so much easier.

I can explain!

I can explain Ness! I'm sorry. I'm sorry!

OK, well, every June I like to do this thing called and June Challenge and it's like I post everyday in June. I think I do it to show I A) can post everyday and B) can celebrate the summer by doing something relatively active.

So, one day I go to post and Blogger is down. So I'm like, June Challenge ruined. But it didn't occur to me until the middle of July that Blogger automatically saves posts. So...Even though Blogger was down, I still could have posted everyday in June, just posted the saved posts.

I was so ashamed that I failed the June Challenge that I just didn't come back afterwards...

Yes, I fail. Ah well.