Post 200

Yeah, I couldn't think of a better title...

Today is a leap year day! So I decided to post! It might be short, it might be long, I still don't know. But I do know this day won't come again for another four years! How freaky, you know? What place in my life was I at four years ago? Where will I be four years from now? The questions are endless!

Hmm...This girl in my class Tracee, she took a picture of me with some sunglasses on! And I really like the picture. That's the funny thing! I love that picture. God, I hope I look something like that forever, or at least until I get married. Then I won't have to care about what I look like...That's a lie.

But I really like that picture! I've never liked a picture that much thus far. I'm gonna post it! Hopefully no one I knows reads this, but then again, I update so irregularly that no one will want to read you Ness!
Ignore my major cleavage. But I really love those two shirts together. I was supposed to be from the 70s. Yes, I know I failed. Oh yeah, I totally was "posing" and I was wearing my regular glasses under the sunglasses. I always do that with sunglasses. Anyway, man, I look good! But I wish I had actually smiled, instead of trying to be "cute". I still can't believe I actually look like that. It's weird. But I like it!

Wow, I haven't been on here in a while!

Yeah, I'm having one of those teenage moments. I'm really not liking being tall. It's bothering me. And it's weird because I sure as hell wouldn't want to be short, but I'm not enjoying being tall either.

I know there are a lot of people out there with worse problems, but I'm not one of those people. I'm pretty regular.

This is it. I should start on my homework...Yeah..

I feel really inadequate, like really lame. I know this is a normal feeling for teenagers to feel, but I hate it when it sneaks up on me.

When I get around seniors I feel really lame...I was sitting by a bunch of seniors after school and I just felt totally out of it. But then this freshman girl shows up and starts to talk to one of them! Their conversation was so smooth, so seamless! I wish all my conversations with seniors were like that, heck, with anybody really. My conversations don't get smooth until I've known someone for a while...And in this day and age when everybody wants everything fast...Ah well.

I'm bored...I need to start my homework and get a life....

Pretty

Can you believe some random girls called me pretty yesterday?! Neither can I, Ness!

I was talking to my Art teacher and these seniors were working on their sculpture thing. So me and my art teacher are talking and one of the girls comes over and says, "Did you know you're really pretty?" and I said no, which wasn't the best reply, but it was the truth and I was caught off guard. Then this junior pipes in and agrees with the senior who asked me and I was just shocked.

Now, a lot of people could say, "They were lying." but it seemed so sincere. Random things are usually the most sincere, at least to me they are. That totally brightened my entire day, and now I'm still thinking about it!

I mean, I'm not ugly, but I wouldn't say I'm inhumanly beautiful either. I think you need to be looking for something a little different to find me attractive. My body isn't that great, nor is it that bad. I'm tall, so, thankfully, I can carry all the extra fat I have. And I've found it doesn't take much for me to lose weight either.

One day I'll use those factors to my advantage.

Jayson and I are on cooler terms now. I think I was just really mad at him yesterday...Or whenever I posted last.

There's nothing really going on here...I'm bored and I thought I should just post that I'm not angry/questioning Jayson anymore. I might be in a few days, but as of right now I'm not.

Nobody reads my blog. This saddens me, but I know this is the way it must go. My title is probably going to turn off many people, and I'm stuck with a bunch of Hispanic and Russian blogs...Ah well.

I'm going to work on my homework now, hopefully.

Sometimes I get the feeling that Jayson is lying to me. I get that feeling with a lot of people I talk to these days, and there's nothing I can do about it. Yeah, I could question what they're talking about by dipping my big nose in their lives, but that'd be for what? The only person I'd try to do that with is Jayson. Just cause we're so close.

So yeah, yesterday we were talking (way too much) and he tells me...Let's just cover the whole conversation.

I wasn't too psyched to go to bowling yesterday (it got canceled) and Jayson called pretty much right after school let out. I was bored, and wanted to look cool, so I talked to the guy...Yeah, he's desperate. I mean, I used to think I was pretty thirsty for a relationship, but Jayson takes it to another level. He talked about selling his body and other crazy crap. And I talked him out of it.

Jayson makes me want to like shake him or something. I have to take into account he has some sort of imbalance (seriously) and that he's sensitive, but keeping quiet is starting to get on my nerves. He always has to go to extremes. He really worries me.

Oh yeah, the lying thing. Jayson tells me about how some girl asked him to do drugs and how he thought about it. Then he goes into a story about he's been drunk a bunch of times and how he blacked out twice. Then he tells me about his little sexcapade in 8th grade and I'm like, WTF?

Now, don't get me wrong, it's very possible that Jayson could of lived a life on the crazy side...But then it's like he brings this stuff up at really odd times. And so freely! It's hard to describe. Then it's like he's confused. You know how confused people just bring up random stuff when they don't know what's going on...I get that same feeling with Jayson.

Yesterday he said he wanted, no excuse me, he cross-dressed and wished he could do it in public. WHAT THE F***?! Ness, you know me, and you know I love me some cross-dressing boys, but Jayson? I've never ever imagined him doing something like that, and he seemed pretty repulsed by the idea (I know I've brought it up at least once, especially since watching Fruits Basket.) but to now all of a sudden say these things.

A part of my soul is convinced Jayson is a confused being. There's no doubt about it. The advice I give him about finding his true self, something I'm still trying to do, he completely ignores. Ah well...

Ex-Replaced

Well, I think my replacement has been reversed. Jayson and I are talking right now. About drama, as usual.

I don't feel very comfortable talking, mainly because I have to arch my back an odd way and twist my head to hold the phone to my ear. This really bothers me...I wish I had a headset, or bluetooth like my mom. That'd be cool, but then again, a waste of money since I don't talk on the phone all like that.

I just googled my name, to see if it would somehow lead back to my blog, and there's waaaay too many people with the same name as me! It's creepy weird, how these people have the same name. I'm talking about first and last name! So weird! I feel a little less unique now, knowing that potential bosses will be looking me up. I'm glad I'm not easily found...Unless these potential bosses want to look through thousands of pages to find me.