School Day 1

Well, today was really boring. I got all my classes, and the schedule isn't really concrete, cause today was really hectic. I got my job too. I'm gonna work at a law firm, but I don't know where it is. I'm sorta disappointed, but I'm gonna try to make the best of it. I work Fridays.

Let me tell you, today was really boring. I know I said that already, but Christ, it sucked. I met all my teachers, who basically said the same thing about rules and regulations, and the whole day was just long and hot and boring. I hope it gets a little more interesting as the year goes on...

I don't have any classes with Cheyenne, but the people I do have classes with aren't pains in the ass, so that's good. I share thesame class schedule as Jayson, and that's good, but Jayson doesn't really know how to act towards people. He was homeschooled by the computer, and it shows. But, he's not that bad if you overlook his social woes.

Well, that's about it. I'm trying to get up enough nerve to draw a picture. I don't know, but I find it really hard for me to get the body down in a picture, and when I can't get it down, I wont draw...So, I need to fix that. Plus, I notice, when school's in session, I draw a lot of pictures. So, I look forward to finishing the one I'm on.

Oh, last but not least, I'm aspiring to become a hippie. No, not a hippie on drugs and stuff, but a natural hippie. Or maybe I'm talking about being a naturalist. I don't know, but I do know that I want to be mellow and hippie like. Calm, that's the word I'm looking for.

For some odd reason, my secret dream is to live on a farm and get married and have lots of kids...Yeah, that's why it's a secret, lol. My family would totally diown me if I ever did something like that! My dad basically said that to me when I said I wanted to have kids. I really just wanna stay at home to. I'm just confused. For a while I told people I wanted to be a psychologist, but now I want to be a stay-at-home mom. Weird. I don't know why...I just wanna be happpy, you know? Yeah, just a happy hippie. Watch, I'm gonna get there. To eternal peace. Watch.

I'm gonna try and make this one quick...

Um, yesterday I went with Nick and Roberta (my only two friends from my old school) to a movie and to the mall. It was fun getting out of the house, and it really boosted my confidence for some reason. I don't know why, I just liked getting out of the house for a little while and hanging out and stuff.

The movie was retarded. We saw Zoom. There was like two (maybe three) seconds of fighting and then the story was resolved waaay too quick. I mean, there was no suspense at all! I knew exactly what was gonna happen next. Plus, they kept messing up with the timing....You'd have to see it to understand why it sucked.

Today I was supposed to go to a football game with Nick, but my mom was just...She was really tired, so I let her sleep and called Nick to cancel. I made up some story about how my mom puked in the car. He sounded pissed, but I just hope he believes me. I don't like lying to people, but I've noticed that I've been doing it a lot more often lately. I don't know. I guess it comes with the territory of having more confidence and being more outgoing..

School is coming up! I'm a little excited and really scared. I don't know what to feel. I'm just ready to start my high school career and get going.

I really want to draw this picture of chibi blondes in cheerleader outfits. The problem is, I can't find good enough pictures of the people I want to draw, and I don't have enough blondes. I did earlier but I forgot...Ok, I have Matsuri from this show Sukisho/Sukisyo, there's a couple different titles, then I have Momiji (squeals) from Fruits Basket, and that's it. I thought of Naruto, but I'm going for a really happy cheery bottom theme. Lol, Naruto doesn't come off as a bottom to me...but he might end up in the picture anyway. Also, I might add some pink-haired folks, cause Shuichi (sp?) from gravitation just needs to be in there somehow! Lol, I'm getting carried away.

Well, I need to go finish my reading packet that's due Monday. The reading teacher really didn't send out to anyone anything about us having to read a book and do a packet over the summer. I just found out about it Tuesday....Well, I gotta go.

Bye!

Ok, I give up on the hippie forum.

Lol, I'm tired of looking.

I'm all depressed now.

I went on DeviantArt and saw this page with a Nazi thing behind it, and I commented. I'm terrified of being flamed. I mean, all I said was that the boy was nicely colored and that the Nazi flag was kinda depressing cause they killed off everybody....Still scared.

I don't know, but, that picture just made me choke up. I seem to not be able to come to terms with the fact that there are people in the world that want me dead cause of my skin color. I can't come to terms with the fact that people are out there killing other people just cause they're wearing a different gang color or something. I don't like to think about it. It scares me.

That's probably why I don't like going outside cause of that. Just being afraid of people and what they think. I've been getting better at handling people since I started school and made friends, but it's still hard to think about Neo-Nazi people and stuff. I think about them a lot more then normal. And then skin-heads. Just racist white people terrify me enough to keep me in the house, which is messed up. I don't know.

I'm really depressed now! That makes me a little mad. Like, why would you hate me cause I'm brown? That's stupid. Why would you want to follow a group of people (like, the Nazis) that would probably have killed you anyway? Come on, most of the time Neo-Nazis aren't blonde with blue eyes. They just happen to be white. They just happen to be white, and hate blacks and the Jews.

Another thing, a lot of other races hate black people. Even if only a little. I noticed that recently. Like, no other race is completely cool with us. Even black people in Africa hate each other! The world is so depressing...I'm being so emo today...

Oh, well I made some friends on Myspace! Haha, I'm glad to! Now, my next quest is to find a Hippie forum and make some friends! I have a feeling that if I put something in my blog, it'll happen! Everything I put in here that I've wanted has happened! Yeah! Now, blog with magical powers, find me a hippie forum! HAha! Lol, I'm gonna go looking for one.

Bye magical blog!

I haven't really been writing much here anymore...I guess it's because there's nothing to say..

Well, I lost 20 pounds since December. There's good I guess. I haven't changed any eating habits or anything, just drank more water.

Mm...God, I wish something interesting was happening. My god, this entry is so empty and lifeless...

So lifeless...

Lol, the echo effect..

I do know one thing, I wanna meet more people on the net. All my friends at school have so many net friends; I'm so jealous! Lol, I'm not unhappy with the people I do know, but I do wanna meet more folks out there so I don't feel all lonely and stuff. Mm, I just don't know where to go though. Myspace...Ha! I don't know how to meet folks on there. I don't know how to leave a good message. I mean, what am I gonna say? "Oh, I like anime too." and call it a day? No, I can't leave something like that. I was thinking of joining a forum, but where? I like anime, but not just anime. I like other stuff too. And Role-playing? Well, that scares me a little, since I don't know the slightest thing about role-playing. I mean, it sounds all interesting, making up characters and stuff, but I just don't know where to start...And I tried joining Gaia, but the page is still messed up...And DeviantArt is cool, but I'm too shy to come out and ask people to be my friends and to make me their friends. I did as one person (well, two people with one account) if I could be their friend..But, I just watch them...Hmm...this is just one of those confused teenage days I guess..

Oh yeah, here's a pic I drew. It's supposed to be of me, but it looks nothing like me. Lol, a little, but not a lot.

Eh.

I'm really nervous cause I wrote my cousin (the crazy one) a long long letter about my feelings and stuff, and I'm just scared that she's gonna disown me or something. I just told her how I felt about her actions and stuff. I'm just really nervous. I don't know...It was really long, so I don't know if she'll read it all or what. I don't know. I'm nervous.

Man, I gotta check my email...

Nerrvous...

OK, I'm gonna go.

Hope i can sleep tonight.

Bye.

Yay me!!

I hurt...

Yesterday, my group and some other groups had to go on this ropes course. I've been complaining about it for a while now, but god. I rock. Well, first there was the rock wall. I have no upper body strength whatsoever, so this was doomed to fail. But anyway, I was sitting waiting for it to be my turn, where this lady who was like a chaperone comes by and says I HAVE to get on the incline wall cause nobody else was going up next. I was like, being the submissive uke that is encoded into my DNA, sure. So, I get on the incline wall (which is initially flat) and start up. Like I said before, I have NO upper body strength, and to add to that, I'm basically a beached whale. A hippo that can breathe is more acruate. Or maybe a giraffe and hippo combined, since I'm tall. Um, a gir-ippo. Yeah, I was a gir-ippo on a wall trying to climb up....

ANYWAY, I got a good couple feet off the ground before I noticed this gap of spaces with no rocks except really small ones. Like, itty bitty ones. Itty bitty ones that gir-ippos can't climb. So, I got off the wall. Yay. So, that all happened I collapsed off the wall about 2 times, by the way.After that was some other crap activities that made me feel self-conscience (I was seperated from my friends, so that played a factor into my self-conscienceness) and then there was lunch. Which, basically, deserves a whole journal entry itself. Lol.

Anyway, after lunch there was this thing where you had to get all your group members across the rope by walking on it. There was only two ropes to help you across. I didn't get a chance to do this, so, I'm not gonna talk about it..(lazy lazy lazy, Ariel!)

Ok, now, I don't wanna seem, self-centered or anything, but I seriously think this guy was (dare I say it! dare I say it! dare I say it!~!) flirting with me. I mean, I don't know. Cause, there was this other rope challenge thing where there were two ropes across from each other, and in the beginning they were right next to each other, but then near the end they were really far apart. One person got on each rope and then they had to walk to the end by leaning against each other for support. Well, one of the people behind me kept pushing me, trying to make me fall off. Now, all the people behind me had to do was KEEP THEIR ARMS OUT in case I fell back or something. And since I had been spotting (standing behind) people all day, with the same folks, I knew they wouldn't push me. So, anyway, the first time I got pushed, I turned around and then this guy (who wasn't behind ANYONE before) moved out of my vision. Then, the second time, I turned around, the guy moved but i saw him, and he was laughing (which was kinda odd since he hadn't shown ANY facial expressions thewhole day), then the third time I fell off. Lol, I was laughing too, and the guy was laughing and stuff. I don't know. I just think it's odd that the guy who hadn't spotted anyone before decided to spot me...And push me... I don't know. I really hope I'm being all self-centered and blowing stuff out of porportion. ...Then again, I hope not..

After that, we moved on to the catwalk, which is two telephone poles with one telephone pole inbetween them. The middle pole, which people were supposed to walk on, was about 30-35 feet in the air! So, to get there, you had to climb up the telephone pole, and once you started climbing you couldn't stop. So, I did it! haha! I rock.When I was climbing up the pole, I got really terrified and stopped a couple of times, but when I got up there, and started to walk across the pole, I wasn't so scared anymore. So, I walked across the pole and halfway back, until the guy *dropped a hint* that he wanted me to get down. Lol, more people wanted to walk across. And guess what!? I was the second person to walk all the way across, and there was only two people who walked across! Yayay me!

You rock Ariel! Yeah! I conquered fears yesterday! And now I'm in pain today! Lol! Yay me!

Hello!

Yeah, I haven't posted in a while cause I was being lazy, and I couldn't see the homepage when I tried to go to my blog...

Anyway, I still have my friends! haha, for some reason after the second day I thought they wouldn't be my friends anymore, but they're still there.

Ok, uh...The only thing I can remember from the week is that yesterday we had to take this personality test thingy to figure out what job we were gonna get. I think we're gonna find out our jobs next week. The whole point of this week (probably) was to meet classmates and then do a whole bunch of stuff to see what job would fit us the most. Yeah, sounds good.

I'm not really in a typing mood...

Oh yeah, here's the pic that took me a couple of days. Doesn't look like it, but it did.



Well, the two balloons done behind the big balloon were done freehand, that's why they look crappy.

I'm really happy with myself. I love this picture. I do have to say this: USE REFERENCES! My god, I had totally forgotten what overalls looked liked and birthday cakes. Plus the eyes. I was gonna have him winking, but that's kinda on the advanced side sine I could barely make closed eyes (Yet another lesson, forgot what they looked like!) Lol, but all in all, I'm proud.

I wanna make a background story on Luki. You know, something shota-ish (I can't resist the shota-ness...ooh, I made my slogan!hahaha!) you know, pirates and slavery...ANYWAY, I love my baby Luki. His birthday is probably gonna be in December not August...

Oh crap, I forgot to put my name!!!!!!

P.S-DeviantArt's new setup makes my art look crappy. I think so at least...

Ciao!

HEY!!!

OK, let me tell you about Sunday night.

My mom basically ripped me a new one. She blamed me for everything wrong in the house, she blamed me for making her yell at me, she blamed me for being late all last school year, and she said I need to change my shitty attitude...God, it was stupid. And depressing. Then after her rant about me being a problem and me needing to get my head out of my ass and me needing to clean up around the house, she went on yet another rant on how she doesn't treat me and my little sis differently, which is a complete and total lie (two family members pointed that out to me). She said that me and Arieana have two different *personalities*. I really don't see how that affects anything...But anyway, now me and my mom don't talk and I'm a selfish brat. *nods* Mmhmm. My mom can make NO mistake, she's NEVER late to ANYTHING, and she deserves to be WORSHIPED because she works. That's all I got out of the conversation. I can have NO other thought other than COMPLETE AND UTTER HAPPINESS FOR ALL THINGS THAT MY MOTHER DOES TO ME AND EVERYONE ELSE. Just like a robot. Oh, and my mom says I have too much of my father in me, which she hates...which means she hates a little bit of me (ouch) so she has to take it out of me, by making me her little slave and robot. *nods* Now, she didn't say the slave and happy-robot part out loud, but I can read in between the lines...My god. I love my mom to death, but seriously, wake up and smell the coffee. There's two sides to every problem, and it's all not my fault! Ugh...

On another note, my little sister is now my mom's spy. I found this out last night (somewhere inbetween me sucking and me being lazy). I now know that Arieana has to basically watch EVERY MOVE I MAKE so she can run and tell mom. Great. So that means, no more computer late night, no more anything. Fuck.

BUT ON A HAPPY NOTE!

I MADE FRIENDS!!!

FRIENDS!!!

FRIENDS THAT LIKE ANIME AND THREE OF THOSE FOUR FRIENDS ARE PERVERTS LIKE ME!!!!

AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I'M SOOOOO HAPPY!

I'M IN A CLIQUE!!!

Let me explain:

Ok, I walk in the door of my high school (after giving my mom the cold shoulder in the car) and I see all these tables lined up in the gym. I decide to go to the front table cause there's this girl sitting there alone. Well, I sit down, and I keep looking at the girl, who has like this binder thing, and then...I break the ice! Lowly old me, actually talking to someone first! Utterly amazing!

Anyway, so I ask if she's going here and what school she went too. She tells me, and then somehow (I think God is pulling some strings) we start talking about anime! ANIME! So, we gib gab about that for a few minutes and she tells me her name: Catherine (I think with a C...). So then we both go up to this name thing to get our folders (our last names both start with a P) and then we chat and she starts listed favorite anime and when she says Gravitation, I explode! I'm all like, really? Oh my god that's my show! and stuff.

She gets her folder before I do so she introduces me to her sister (who goes there already) and I say hi and stuff. I get in line so I can get my folder, and then this guy who's standing behind us asks about her shirt and I turn and then we all introduce ourselves (the guy was talking to a girl and we met her too) and then...we started to all talk about ANIME!!! The guy was new too it (his name's Allen) and the girl said she liked it (Cheyenne) but was into Harry Potter. Then after we all got our folders we sat down at a table and started to chit chat about anime and Harry Potter and Yu-Gi-Oh and stuff. Utterly amazing. Then, we all exchanged Myspace information! But, I forgot that in the folder.

And her sister, Catherine's sister Nicole, talked to us and she was totally awesome. AH!! I didnt think I'd meet anybody, and now I'm already in a clique (lol, that's what me and Cheyenne said we were)!!! OF anime fans!!!! I need to breathe...

My mom can NEVER kill the high hopes I'm feeling right now!!! NEVER. God, I'm not used to this feeling. This feeling of being..you know, wanted in a conversation....It's amazing.

I can't wait till tomorrow!!!

I drew a picture!

Yay! That picture is awesome too, but my scanner is small and my sktechbook is huge, so everything didn't get in the pic, but it's good.

There's a reason I drew the picture (which I'm trying to color in Paint at the moment...Not making too much progress on it though...). My dad said he was gonna take me and my sister to the movies today, and it wasn't a movie I wanted to see, but it was still a movie, so I was ready to go. My mom calls me and when she sees me she gets mad and says (story time!):

"Take that goddamn shirt off!"

So, I walk back to my room and take my shirt off and change shirts. I was pissed. I knew where she was going with the yelling. It happens everytime I try to leave the house.

My mom then bursts in my room and starts rummaging through my closest and then yells at me AGAIN to change shirts. Feeling slowly defeated, I just stand behind her in my bra waiting for her to hurry the hell up and get out of my room. By that point, I really didn't want to go to the movies anymore.

My mom then throws a like ten shirts at me and tells me to put one of those shirts on. This wasn't said nicely or calmly either. It was yelled at me.

I chose the first shirt (betty bop is on the front posing like she's at the playboy mansion and american beauty is on the front in big red letters), even though I hate it with a passion. It's so...Not me, I mean, I don't want to walk around with a half naked chick on my shirt (non-anime chick).

Well, my mom is in the bathroom, so I wait for her at the dining table. I'm pouting, and on the verge of tears. Seeing this, my mom stands in the kitchen (where you can clearly see her) and says:

"I don't know why the fuck she (refering to me) gettin an attitude. She can sit there all she want. I spend all my money on those shirts and those clothes, for her to always walk outside looking like a bum! Now she know why I don't like buying her shit. Cause she always wanns go outside looking like an ugly, bum." Then she walked away.

Well, I sat in the chair and cried for a second before going to the bathroom to cry for a few minutes. Then I wiped my face, combed my hair, and went in my room. My little sanctuary.

God, I remember ever word she said. Especially the ugly bum part. ESPECIALLY, the UGLY bum part. My god woman. You don't tell your already self-conscience daughter that she looks like an ugly bum...A part of me (the sick, realistic part) keeps asking myself "What if my mom wasn't talking about the clothes, what if she was talking about...me?" You know? I mean, it wasn't even like the shirts I had on before had holes and stains, they were regular old t-shirts. One for the red cross (that my mom gave me) and another that I got for volunteering at the art camp...I earned that art camp shirt...

But anyway, I didn't go to the movies (I just said I didn't feel well to my dad) and stayed at home. The first like half an hour I just sat there and watched TV and cried. Then I picked up my sktechbook and tried to do a drawing exercise. I didn't want to do that, so I just picked up a pencil and drew a picture. I gotta finish coloring it though,...I wish i had photoshop, but it's expensive...

I'm gonna go be depressed cause my mom is a bitch and thinks I'm ugly. Oh, an a bum. Almost forgot.

Tomorrow I gotta start training at school. Hopefully, my mom won't talk about what I'm wearing, cause I'M gonna choose it. God, I wish she'd lay off sometimes...

P.S-ignore my spelling...i'm depressed at the moment

Orientation

Well, I'm happy to report something:

1.I'm not that antisocial anymore!

Yay! Yesterday at orientation, my mom met up with some long lost buddy or whatever, and me and her daughter actually stated a conversation! The girl started it, but still, I responded and she heard what I said! And, I made two jokes! (sarcastic ones, not like a knock knock joke)

I'm so happy! I mean, I wasn't social but I wasn't abtisocial either. That's realisticly speaking. Man, I feel good. It's the little things like that that can bring a girl up sometimes. I'm moving up in the social anarchy! Ok, not really, but I'm still proud of myself for at least speaking, cause the last time we went to an orientation there, I didn't speak to ANYONE. Even when this guy complimented my shoes, I didn't respond. I still feel a little bad about that...

Anyway, Monday is when I figure out who I'm gonna be spending the rest of the year with. Each class of students is split up in a group of four, and that four is the people you'll be learning with and sitting by most of the day (I think the group shares all the same classes..I don't know). I hope I meet someone in that group that I actually like and stuff. That would suck if I didn't, but I wouldn't die over it.

Ah....

I've been a lazy ho (or hoe?) cause, I don't know. I seriously don't know what to do with my day anymore. Thank GOD I have something to do for now and the rest of the school year...I should draw, like actually draw a pic, but I don't know. I hate hand coloring my crap...I might use Paint again....

Anyway, I read this book Cell by Stephen King. My god. It was amazing. I love that book. It like, wasn't even scary, but it made you think alot. It made me think alot at least. And then at the end..Anyway, that books amazing, and huge. I love it. Kinda gory though....But not all gory. Good book, check it out.

My sister is bugging the hell outta me so she can use the computer. I'll probably write later..I don't know, I'm being lazy...As usual.

Another untitled.

Man, Nick, I'm so excited for him. He's basically travelling the world while I'm sitting here cramping...

Anyway, nothings going on. There's gonna be a good long period where I might not be posting here cause my mom's gonna be off of work and I dont want her reading over my shoulder and crap....

Orientation is tomorrow. I'm not really excited at all. I don't know why. I'm more excited for my friend Nick who;s going to this International bording school. Yeah...

I'm gonna go now. See you soon hopefully.
Bye!

Is it completely odd to be jealous of people when they have friends? I mean, like when you go in a chat and you see all these people that know each other and stuff...Makes me sad and I don't even want to chat anymore. And then, like, you go to Myspace and even DA and you see these really popular people...I get jealous and don't even feel like commenting. Just, cause, I think they won't notice little old me...I usually comment on a person who had NO friends just cause...I don't know, I don't got many friends myself...I'm just looking for a group of net buds and stuff they are happy to see me and wonder where the hell I am and are online when I'm online caue i be online at weird times and stuff...I mean, i got online friends ,4 i chat with mostly, but it wouldn't hurt to have more of them...And I know the only way to do that is to like go up to people and start a convo with them, even though you're doing it on the net..God, what I really want is like to be a regular in a room. i used to be when I was 11 and went to the lesbian room (I didn't know there was any other room) but it was easier back then cause not so many people was chatting and stuff..Ahh, I really wanna start like doing RPG's and stuff, but I get all nervous about the pros hating me (it has happened) and stuff...I wanna meet people, but i'm so nervous about it...I don't wanna be nervous all the time...I need to stop that...

(all this spawned cause I got invited to a chat by one of my 4 friends...and im all jealous cause the guy knows everybody and everybody knows everybody...*sigh*)

Aw man, it's the first!~

Crap! I didn't even know it was the first until last night at around one when I was logging off. God, my life is just passing me by...

Anyway, I've been doing nothing. I'm still all happy about my little sketch (so that's what they're called..). Here it is:

*Screams with glee*

I'm like a little girl over this pic! God, it's sickening, but I love it. I'm so proud of myself, I can't wait to draw some more...

Yeah, well, my mom says that since it's so hot I gotta get off the computer. MAN! I'm gonna try to steal some more time on here...

Hope to see you later (maybe tonight). I'm in a talkitive mood today.