Jealous

Yep. I haven't changed. I still envy popular people.

I was reading some of my posts yesterday. I was talking about how I wished I were some people and how I wished I had more friends. I now know what I want. At least I think I do.

I don't want friends. I don't want fame or fortune. Artistic talent would be utterly amazing, yes! What I really want is someone to love me.

Sounds mega cheesy, but that's what I want. I know I have family and I shouldn't complain, but a family is supposed to love you. That's their job. It would be awesome to just have someone fawn over me or something. Be happy to see me all the time. Like, uber excited. I dunno. Basically a fangirl or fanboy for me.

Maybe people are happy to see me (Ms. Brickner comes to mind) but they don't show it. I guess. It's probably one of those situations where you don't know you have it till it's gone. So yeah, in that sense, I'm glad I have "it". I would like more though. I'm just greedy.

And maybe I'm not meant to be all lovey-dovey. I've never been in a relationship where lovey-dovey stuff is called for. Basically, I've never dated. I'm sure I'm gonna find a man though.

Finding a boyfriend doesn't bother me. Why? Men like sex. If it comes down to it, I'll have sex and get a boyfriend. I doubt I'd go that far, but just in case I'm almost prepared. Another thing is that there are a lot of awesome guys that aren't liked by the girls around them. So I'll step in and we'll date! In print it seems perfect but I know in real life it's not that simple.

Another thing that could make me feel this way is hormones. I think my teenage hormones are kicking in. Yeah, a little late, but they're here. And I hate it. I can't wait until I get out of this stage. Hopefully though, I'll keep all the mega cool things about the Teenage Me when I get to the Adult Me and lose all the crappy stuff. That'd be awesome.

Waterphobic

I don't know if you know this Ness, but I don't like water.

A part of me is like, "Ariel, you have a water sign! How can you not like the stuff?" but I don't. I'm terrified of it. Seriously.

I definitely know you don't know this: I take gym. What section of the gym class am I taking? Swimming!

It was all fun and dandy the other four weeks (when I got in the pool what, three times?) because all I did was float while holding on to something. But now the teacher wants me to float naked! I mean, float holding on to nothing! It's horrible! Today I burst into tears in the water because I was so nervous. It doubly sucked because I had goggles on and I'm sure everybody saw. Ah well.

Point is, I don't like it. I guess it's because I had to let go and just be. It's hard because I think I'm about to float away and sink to the ground like a lead weight. I really want to learn how to swim but I don't want to...I don't know what I don't want to do. I just wish I was swimming since I could walk like Claire or some of the other people in my school. That would make life so much easier.

I can explain!

I can explain Ness! I'm sorry. I'm sorry!

OK, well, every June I like to do this thing called and June Challenge and it's like I post everyday in June. I think I do it to show I A) can post everyday and B) can celebrate the summer by doing something relatively active.

So, one day I go to post and Blogger is down. So I'm like, June Challenge ruined. But it didn't occur to me until the middle of July that Blogger automatically saves posts. So...Even though Blogger was down, I still could have posted everyday in June, just posted the saved posts.

I was so ashamed that I failed the June Challenge that I just didn't come back afterwards...

Yes, I fail. Ah well.

Don't feel like posting...Yet again.

And my teeth still hurt.

Hey.

My teeth are killing me.

Gah!

Oh Ness. I don't know how many times I have to say this to make this feeling go away! I mention it at least once a month, or at least once every time I post on here.

It's that whole, "I'm so left out." feeling.

The one I got around that freshman girl Autumn, and the one I generally get around other human beings with productive lives and such. Today I got it when me and some other girls were talking and they were talking about having boyfriends and their ex-boyfriends. I was standing there like, "I have nothing insightful to add to this conversation." And idiot me said it.

Anyway, that whole thing made me sad. It made me feel somehow defective. Of course, I've come to the conclusion that this whole boyfriend phenomenon won't happen to me for a while. At least, until I get some guy friends that I'm actually attracted to. And that's asking for the damn near impossible.

Another thing I noticed, while I'm on this "Ariel sucks" rant, is that I'm still not very comfortable with my height. Everyone else, except for the two dudes there, is shorter than me. Like, MEGA shorter than me. On the other hand, I've noticed that I'm not THAT taller than people. It is a relatively small distance when I think about it. Nonetheless, it feels really weird when everyone else is near the same size and I jut out like..A tall person.

First Day!

Yeah, today was my first day at Aspire. Not my first work day, but orientation. It was nice to get to know everyone. I think we'll get along.

I was so ashamed of myself! I think my shyness has gotten worse! Although it's gotten better in some other ways. Like, I pretty much didn't say anything the entire morning, but after lunch I was comfortable enough to talk and give my ideas. I still held back...But I warmed up to people quicker than normal. Usually I need to spend a good few days with people before I start talking a lot, but I talked enough today. Tomorrow will be better.

Everyone is so nice! At least, day one. I don't know about later in the summer. I can't wait until the ball starts rolling and I get my first check! I can't wait until payday.

I'm even more comfortable with the idea of working on my birthday. There's this girl in my group who has he birthday the week after mine. Her day is better cause it's a Friday and not parents night, but she has her birthday on the Olympics day. Whatever that is.

Vroom, vroom!

I was driving today! No, not in some empty parking lot either, on a real road! It was awesome, but my mom keep barking at me. I wish I was more experienced, then I wouldn't have to worry about it. But I know it's going to be a long time before I get on a road with other moving cars. Today the streets I was on were empty.

Remember I mentioned the inertia thing? Yeah, luckily I start Aspire tomorrow, so my body can get moving and into a rhythm and start moving. All this week I pretty much sat on the computer and read crap. It was nice crap, yes, but not crap I should spend hours reading.

Go Manley Academy! Lol, little reference there. Ignore that.

Totally Cellular Dude!

Eh, Arieana has a cellphone. I was totally against the idea, but it involved my father, so I need not mention that I had no say in the matter. It aggravates me! My jealous side is rearing it's ugly head...Maybe I'll write about it sometime!

I almost didn't post today! I need to write more...Maybe tomorrow...!

Dad Day

It's too late for me to be on here...So I don't know how much I can post...

I did get all the materials I needed to make some hair bows! Maybe I can incorporate a little bit of Sweet Lolita (the Japanese fashion, not the pedophile thing) into my life!

I LOVE this song! And the AMV is awesome too.

Ugh. Today I was yet again shut down by my mom. We went to the mall so she could get this Obama shirt (I didn't want one; I'm not the type to put all that controversial information on blast like that) and I saw this PRETTY rainbow belt! I totally wanted to buy it (for the obvious reason: cause I like gay things such as rainbows). Well, surprise surprise my mom planted the "NO" seed in my head. I walked over to her and she said, "You know that's the same thing as the gay pride flag." Of course I knew this, so dumbly I said yeah. Then my mom was like, "You gay?" I wanted to play her and say yeah, but she probably would have believed me so I said no. Her response was, "Well, that's what people will think."

Do I worry about people thinking I'm gay? Ness, no, I don't. People have done it before and I assume they're going to do it again. I just have a lesbian vibe or something, although I doubt it. People can just be plain stupid sometimes.

So yeah, the belt wasn't bought. Bummer. I bet I get it sometime in my life though...Yeah.

Sophomore of the Year!

I got the Sophomore of the Year award!! I'm so happy!

During the awards assembly all the teachers were giving out only one award with a book or something with it. For almost every award the people behind me would yell out my name, spell it out, whatever. It was annoying as hell, but I can't lie, I totally agreed with them! But then, for every award different people would get called up! By the end I was inbetween being extremely salty and angry. I thought I should get an award for something cause I work really hard in my classes.

And then, Mrs. Hurley got up there after all the awards were passed out and said some things like "this person works very hard and stays after school" yadda yadda. Then she said "Sophomore of year goes to Ariel Powell!" and I was like, Oh man! I covered my face and went up there and hugged everybody. Then sat down.

That was so cool. My mom was so proud she had tears in her eyes. Hopefully I'll put a picture up here later.

Yeah! Meccha Holiday!

Summer is here!!

Done!

Finally, Finals are done! I'm ready for summer! I can't wait until tomorrow is over. It's kinda sad, but not really. Hopefully I'll keep in contact with everyone that's leaving this year.

DUUUUUDE! I'm so mad and sad at the same time that I can barely speak!



Not only am I worried about my last two Finals tomorrow (Biology and English) and then today at work my job didn't get me anything. I mean, I know I don't go to work there for a gift at the end of the year, but one would have been nice. A card or something! All that my boss said was to sign out, thanks, and bye. Literally. That made me kind of sad.

I need to study. Bye!

Downgrade

Ness, Ness! Guess what?! Oh man, I dropped a whole pants size!! I can't believe it! I sorta didn't want to believe it either.

Whenever something good happens to me, I don't believe it. Literally. I have to check up on everything before I finally say, "Yeah, go me!". In this case, I had to fight my mom a little before I finally gave in to trying on the size. Then when it fit really nicely, I kinda was like, "Oh, um, it's kinda tight." when in reality it fit. AMAZING! I bought the shorts too!

I should be studying right now, especially since I have to get my hair done later, and I know I won't be studying later...I'm so tired today! I had to copy all afternoon. I'm really tired.

Surprisingly, I'm not too worried about Theology and History tomorrow. I think I'll study some more...later.

Back

I don't know how long I have on here, so I might be extremely brief. I MIGHT be.

Yesterday was really awesome! In the beginning it kinda sucked, because me and my cousins and my cousin's friend wanted to go off by ourselves (we're all pretty old teens) but my mom made this huge deal about it. She yelled about the family sticking together. Then she said the other girls could go by themselves, but not me, since my mom didn't want me hanging around them. Now THAT'S what totally pissed me off.

My mom made it seem like I'm some dumb follower who has no mind. It hurt. She's always been like that. She didn't want me to be around certain people because she's afraid I'll drop all my values (or whatever) and become a prostitute. I don't know! I do know it's really annoying to be thought of like that. I don't know what I have to do to convince my mom that I'm my own person and not apart of a group.

So yeah, after that things went pretty smoothly. I didn't get to go on many big rides because A) people decided to go into the line when I was on another ride (waiting must be a skill my cousins haven't acquired) and B) I wasn't about to stand in line for two hours for a two minute ride. That's craziness.

Oh! There were a lot of Asian people at Cedar Point too! I mean, there were probably some German people working there too, but Asians always stand out to me. But I was wondering about their name tags. These people come from Hong Kong and China and Indonesia with names like Rebecca? Come on. I mean, I'm not expert on names commonly used in Asia but Becky?! I asked my mom if Cedar Point made them put different names on their name tags, but she said no. I'm not so sure. It just seems weird. Very weird.

Away

I'm at Cedar Point today!!

So, um, no post. Not a big one at least.

Finals, Day 1

Well, I won't have to study for Math and Spanish anymore!...Until next year.

People have been making me so mad today...Maybe it's because of the heat. It's really hot today. You know Ness, I'm a summer baby so I just naturally like to be cold. All the winter babies I've talked to said they like to be hot. I was born in the summer, so I like the cold. A few years ago I would have told you I liked heat...Well, that's not true. I like to be cold! I like to be wrapped in blankets in the freezing cold. So there.

Anyway, in Math class today my teacher was like, "Oh, this won't take you guys the whole time! You'll have some extra time to study for your next class!" I don't think I have to say this, but damn near no one finished that bad boy. I'm serious! A lot of people kinda just left and didn't come back to finish the test. I was mad that I had to come back, but I did and rushed to finish. I'm not sure I did too good on it, but as long as I don't have a C in his class, I'm good.

Spanish was amazingly easy. Way easier than most of the other tests we've had in that class this year.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A few days ago (or maybe yesterday, I dunno) I mentioned sewing. I'm finding out that my mom is going to be a problem. The fact that I have no idea what I'm doing isn't relevant right now...Seriously, the whole day she kept asking me what I was doing, and I was like, "Chill pill anyone?" I got the money. Not a lot of it though.

Man, I wish I had bought that glue gun! I want to make some hair bows for myself and I saw some black ribbon and this EXTREMELY cheap glue gun and glue sticks! But I didn't buy it. I was worried that it would be too expensive. Looking back on it now I still would have had an extra ten bucks after I bought it, which is better than nothing. Ah well. I doubt I have enough fabric anyhow. I wish I had bought that PLAID but the lady said I would have to match the stripes and it would be too much for a beginner. I really like plaid. Another one of my lifetime goals is to make a pleated plaid skirt. And it was only 1 buck a yard! Hopefully cheap plaid will be around in a few years.

Kooky Korner

Hmm....I changed my blog title yesterday. I still think it needs to grow on me.

I wanna change my blog design, but I don't know how. I don't want my blog to look like everybody else's. I want something original, something only I will have. I wonder how all those Asian blogs look so good. 'Cause sometimes when I'm browsing the blogs, this really awesome one will come up (the words always move!) and it's made by some Asian person! Most of the time. I haven't seen a really good American blog yet.

Yeah, finals. Um, I'm actually not worried. And this is always a bad sign! God, every time I'm not worried about a test, I usually do pretty bad on it. But I know this time I won't do bad on Spanish. As soon as my teacher handed me that sheet, I went to work! Of course, I made a lot of stupid mistakes. Most of that came from the fact that I was rushing. I wanted to be done with that worksheet! I think I'm good with Spanish. Math...I just pray my math teacher curves the hell outta that test! I know some teachers are gonna curve. I seriously think it's a rule at my school, that you MUST curve a test. Two of my teachers don't curve that much. Mrs. Hurley never curves, Mr. Coggin curves a little. And he only does it when EVERYONE gets the question wrong.

Now the only tests I have to worry about are everything but Biology. I dunno, but studying for biology has always come easy to me. Maybe it's because I'm really interested in the subject. Probably so. I'm really interested in history too...But, um, my history teacher doesn't like keeping this simple. His mid-term wasn't hard...Then again he curved the hell out of that test. It wasn't even like a curve, it was more of a corner.

Yeah, I hope all my teachers corner their tests.

Creer

Creer- to think/believe in Spanish. Go me.

I haven't studied Spanish all day! I did finish most of my history study guide at work though. I also discovered I really don't like studying Theology. I could barely make it through the twenty minutes! I don't know what I'm gonna do about that...

Whenever my mom says something to me, it really gets on my nerves. She just came in my room and told me to clean it. To me, it's junky, yeah. But it's not dirty! Yeah, there's clothes on the floor, along with all my binders and book bag, but I have been studying for finals and I have no where to put those clothes. I'd have to rearrange some stuff. And it's not like the area I put the clothes in is dirty, you know, the floor is clean over there. That little corner is reserved for stuff I need to sort out at a later date. Like my knitting and crocheting and my sewing machine (HAHA! I have a sewing machine! It sounds so cool on here...But I have yet to do anything with it yet...) is in that corner. The floor is clean over there! Jeez.

Title

I'm thinking Ness, that I want to change your title. I dunno. I mean, it doesn't really describe me anymore. I'm still in my house most of the time but I'm not technically a "hermit". I'm not near as bad as I was when I first made this. I'm much better now! Much better meaning I go outside voluntarily and don't complain (as much)!

Yesterday I mentioned clothes, and today I'm gonna mention how I'm really REALLY into Japanese street fashion. But as I found out while investigating my body (It sounds way hotter than what actually happened.) in the shower, I'm not very close to the Japanese body type. I'm probably as far from petite and skinny as a human being can get. It sucks! But it also rocks. Cause it means I have to be more proactive in my styling. Short, skinny chicks just go online and order from some awesome store and just wear clothes. I need to hunt, search, alternate, and maybe even make clothes. Of course, this all sounds "wicked awesome" when it's written down. In REAL life, it's much simpler and cheaper to be a part of the crowd.

I really want some platform shoes! Maybe not a massive five inch shoe, but maybe a two incher. I feel so confident today! I should be studying right now. Bye!

Not Studying....Again

I'm gonna study! I'm serious. But just not now.

I want some clothes! Lately I've been fascinated by the strips of cloth. I wish I could sew. I already decided that my summer project was to make a skirt and wear it on the first day of school (not work training, school school). I'm pretty sure I'm gonna make it a wearable skirt, cause I wanna show off my mad skills that I'm gonna get over the summer. Hopefully.

But the good thing is that I'm like inertia. Once I start on something, I usually don't like to stop moving. So, while I work (or slave, whatever) everyday, when I come home I might not want to stop moving so I'd sew. Plus, summer always makes me want to move. I don't know.

I'm getting worried over the Aspire job. I haven't read the binder...Nor made a lesson or thought anything about the whole thing. I have a few days of free time after finals to work on it...I dunno.

OH! And I'm not that worried about finals! I'm so proud of myself. Of course, these things are a week away, but I've looked at the study guides and I'm just really, chill. That's probably a bad sign. Ah well.

It's FINALS TIME!

Yay. I'm so excited. Go finals.

Ugh! I hate finals! But I also like them 'cause they mean the end of the year, but I hate studying for them! As you can see, I'm not studying right now. My first finals is Friday. My hardest finals are Friday. Why aren't I studying?!

I already know I won't get a good grade on the math final, just cause my math teacher is really annoying. First, he never grades stuff until you hound him about it for a week. Then, he doesn't pass anything back. And he feels that since he obviously rocks at teaching math (try not to ignore my sarcasm there) he can get involved in everything under the sun. It's not true! Not true at all! My only saving grace on that final is the fact that all the stuff we covered this half year has been somewhat easy. Easy enough. Matrices will probably give me a problem. The definitions will.

Then Spanish. That's OK. Ms. Levis is a soft grader. She only takes off .25 for spelling mistakes! ONLY .25! God, she is a wonderful woman. If she took off full points I would be done for. My grade would be like, a C or something. My only worry here is remembering all the words from Rosetta Stone. I hate that program. The more I think about it, the more I realize I don't hate the program, I hate being expected to remember all the words from the program and how religiously we have to do the whole thing. Seriously, it's not that deep. I think we should have went over the words in Rosetta Stone during class together so we could all remember. The way it's been hasn't helped me much. Ah well.

It's June! In 12 more days I'll be out of school! And finals will be over! Are you excited? I am, Ness! I sure as hell am!

OK Ness, I feel a lot better. That whole George crap was cleared up by Ms. Brickner, my art teacher. Whenever I'm having a problem with kids in school, I tell her and my mom. She never gives me advice, she kinda explains it. Which is what I like. An explanation for the madness.

So, Friday I told her about it all and she basically said that she thinks George just said it so people would like him. Yeah. What a dumb, yet probably true, reason. Stuff like that makes me lose my anger steam. It's like, "Aargh! I'm so maaaa....Oh, what an idiot!" I don't say that...Nor do I think that. But it does take the steam outta me. I can't be mad at someone who wants to fit in. Sucks for them they have to throw me under the bus to do it.

I know I haven't been here in a while. Shoot me.

I'm so angry and upset right now. There's been a lot going on in my life, with my dad leaving (finally, and hopefully for good) and other crap, and school isn't making it better. It's making it all worse.

Ever since that health fair, where, according to my group members, I was a total bitch to them, people have either randomly come up to me and said that I was mean or said it in a classroom full of people during a seminar. That last thing just happened today.

We went to Notre Dame college today and halfway through the tour this one girl is like, "Oh, Ariel, George was talking about you in class today." And since George is cool with me, I'm all happy when I said, "Really, what did he say?" The girl then says, "He said that you always dog people because you think you smarter than them." Some other girl then agreed that he said it too. Luckily, before I burst into tears, both of the girls who told me this were like, "I got mad cause you don't act like that!". That made me happy.

Why are people coming up to me with this useless information? Why do they get in my face and tell me how I act? I don't get it. I also don't understand why these people think it's OK to do something like that. I have feelings too! So what if YOU think I think I'm smarter than everyone else. Deal with it. Suck it up and count some effing daisies for all I care. It makes me so mad!

I'm not extremely nice, but am I a complete bitch? Hell no. I'm not even as mean as some people in my class. I'm nice, waaay nice, compared to certain people. Yet lately, others haven't felt that way. Why should I care? I wish I didn't care. I wish it didn't hurt my feelings like it does and I wish I didn't cry over it a few minutes ago. Why can't people just like me? Why can't they just accept me?

When people bring this whole, she-thinks-she's-smarter-than-everyone-else thing up, it shows their insecurity (at least to me). Like, OK, if I did think that, what does it have to do with you? So what if she thinks she's smart, I know she isn't the smartest person here. I (Ariel) know I'm not the smartest person in the sophomore class. Even if I am, miraculously, I would never boast about it. I NEVER boast about my grades. I don't even tell people my grades unless they ask me about them. So if I do that, how the hell do I think I'm on some high horse? I'm not cause I DON'T think I'm better than everyone else. If people got to KNOW me instead of making an ass out of themselves by ASSUMING then I wouldn't be right here right now.

What hurts the most is that George said it. I thought George liked me. But then again, the more I think about that kid and our past interactions, his speaking out doesn't surprise me. I think George has always felt that I somehow belittled him. Even in the beginning of the year! Especially in Spanish class. Whenever we had a test he'd be like, "You got an A, right?". Usually I'd shrug. I mean, he was right, I did get the A. Though, that's not the point. The point is, he always came at me with this attitude of defeat. Once or twice I'd say something to encourage him, tell him to do his work, I don't know! I can't remember! I know I didn't totally blow him off. When people make that situation, the one where they know I got a better grade than them and I know too, it always sucks for me. What am I supposed to say? "It was the luck of the Irish that I passed that test anyway." Uh, no. I'm not Irish nor am I stupid. Plus, I always say before the test is even graded that I feel like I didn't do well.

It sucks being in this position. Like, I can't and won't dumb myself down to appease everyone bitching, but on the other hand I can't please them with my attitude! I can't change me. I can monitor me, I can think about me, but I won't change. I've changed way too much because of other people and their bitchiness. I wish people would just effing DEAL with life and stop coming up to me about it. Whenever I have a problem with someone, I talk to my friends, who I KNOW won't go off at the mouth. I never, ever, go to their face and bitch nor do I bring them up in a seminar in front of a class of what? Twenty-five or more people? Come on. Give me a break, jeez.

George George George. I don't know how I'm going to deal with that kid. I might bring it up to him, I might not. I probably will. I don't know. I'm glad school is almost over though. Real glad.

Cold

So, Ness, I didn't just avoid you, I avoided all of the internet. Can you believe I haven't talked to you in a month? Don't answer that.

God, I hate group projects. I really do. I've never fit into groups at all Ness. Never. And being forced to work in them is hurting my soul. And my connection to the internet.

Eh, my fingers are cold. You know Ness, that's the number one reason why I don't post long topics. Cause my fingers get cold and I don't like typing with cold fingers...

Death Note

Well, I finally finished the series. It was sad. Heartbreaking, actually. I mean, why can't evil win for once? Not in the real world, no way, but in manga? Why can't the sexy evildoers get a shot at the limelight? Jesus, it was crappy, that ending. Well, compared to book endings, the ending to Death Note was pretty good. But it was so cheesy! "Goodness prevails and the beginning is your end." That's the theme. Basically.

Plus, everyone sexy dies. All the hot bastards die! *Sigh* I wish they had lived. Especially L. That dude was holy with his looks. I worship him! So smart, so carefree(in a sense). And Light was his first friend! How sweet!

Then this Mat dude. I've seen him in so many fanworks, so when I was reading I was thinking, "This guy must be huge!"...He wasn't! He showed up in about three chapters maximum, and then he was in only a couple pages! And Mello had a surprisingly small role too! That kind of made me mad. Why have such a huge MatxMello fandom when they both did so little? And what about Teru Mikami? He had a much, MUCH bigger role than Mat. But I hate Teru. He was such a wimp. A pussy. That word gives me the shivers. Anyway, at the end he's all like, "You're not God Kira!" and I was like, WTF? Dude, think of Jesus! You're just like the people who put Jesus on the cross.

Of course I know Kira is not Jesus, but you can easily compare the two. By doing this though, you would upset thousands, so I won't get into it.

You know what Ness? I can't wait until I get some artistic talent and can draw bodies, cause then I'm gonna be drawing so much slash and smut it won't be funny! Never have I finished a manga series with so many hot dudes! All slashable! It was fangirl heaven Ness! Ooh, I'm so excited!

Oh, and that was the first manga series I finished! Wow...I can actually dedicate myself to something...With hard work.

Strobe Lights

Giving posts random titles is so rewarding! Makes me feel like I'm saying something of importance, somehow.

I'm smart, right Ness? I dunno. Sometimes I think that's my downfall, especially since I'm a teenager. Being smart and a teen is not very cool. Or, shall I say, being smart and not a complete geek as a teen is weird. I really don't know what I am. I don't think I'm a complete geek, since I'm too flaky to totally fall into a series and know everything about it. Though that would be cool to do.

I ALWAYS bring this stuff up! I remember the posts where I talk about how my social situation isn't to my liking. I think the only way to change this is to spend a crazy amount of time on Gaia or Myspace or one of those sites with other human beings on it. I don't want to spend all that time on there!

I think that's my problem. I don't like spending a lot of time doing something. I have to be totally obsessed with something in order for me to spend a lot of time doing it. The problem with that is I get totally into something and then back off. Like, for a week I'll want to play the Sims 2 non-stop but the week after that I want to think about playing Kingdom Hearts. Lol! I can get into thinking about something and never doing it too. That's worse than just getting obsessed with doing something cause then I'm not doing anything at all! Bad bad bad me!

Oooh, maybe I should start labeling my posts...?

Eh...No.

Rompe!

Rompe is the Spanish word for break (the verb). I'm so glad I remembered it! Plus, it's spring! Huzzah! HUZZAH I say! I'm so happy that it's Spring. Thanks Google, for reminding me.

Today my mom made me mad! Not only did she bitch at me for not having clothes on at 1 (it sounds bad on here, but it's my first day on vacation!) and then got mad when I hadn't eaten either. When we were leaving I had thrown together a bagel sandwich and that pissed her off apparently. But that wasn't what made me mad. OK, it did, but not as much. It was just the normal mom-associated anger.

Anyway, we left the house and we went to this place called Once Upon a Child. It's one of those stores where you donate clothes and toys and stuff for money. I knew there would be drama in there, cause as soon as we walked in with all of Arieana's old crap, this lady was in there arguing about the price of the clothes she was giving away. Giving away! You're lucky to be getting anything really, and it's for people who need it more than you. I was mad at that lady but then my mom did the same thing!

She wanted me to sit up there and watch the lady go through the stuff and then when the lady only took about a third of what we brought, my mom damn near cussed her out! She was complaining about how much money she had spent on the stuff in the first place and how it was brand new and how the store had crap strung up on the walls. It was really embarrassing. I think I would have been happy with twenty bucks. I dunno...Probably not. But still, she was giving the crap away, so any money is good money.

Jayson is coming up to stay with Katherine over Spring Break. This worries me. They want to hang out somewhere. Two problems: 1) I'm broke. I don't want to hang out anywhere if I don't have money to spend. A trip to the mall is NOT a trip to the mall if Ariel doesn't go home with a book or manga. And 2) my mom might not take me because then she'll be stuck at home with Arieana or she won't take me because it's Tower City and Tower City is filled with rapists and kidnappers who want me in their basement. Last time I wanted to hang out with Jayson and Katherine, my mom and Arieana had to be there. Not cool.

I dunno. There's a lot of things going through my mind when I think about hanging out with those two. The hermity side of me wants to stay shut in my house for a week, but the teenage side wants to go out and experience life. I need to start working on balancing the two.

Groupies

Yeah, the guy who played Judas in the play has a horde of freshman groupies after him. I don't blame them actually, cause the kid is fine. He has a washboard stomach and muscles! But he's shorter than me (No surprise there, huh?) and he's a freshman. And I think he doesn't like me very much. Even if he did like me I wouldn't date him. Eh, the connection isn't there.

Godspell is officially over! I'm sooo happy Ness! You really can't understand the joy I feel. I mean, yeah it was fun, but you saw how I was pulling out my hair the entire time. That nervousness wasn't fun at all. It sucked at times! I wanted to quit at times! Yes, I really did! You know I'm not a quitter Ness! Yeah...

I'm pretty sure I mentioned this, but it won't hurt to bring it up again: Mori is killing me! What do I have to do to appease these teenage bastards! Like, seriously! Everybody seems so damn close and buddy-buddy on there that it's sickening! Sickening I say! I don't know what I have to do to make friends on that website. Any website really. I don't know what my problem is...I'm so awesome though!

I got the Aspire job! YAY! I have to work on my birthday...NO! Ah well. I'm tired. Bye!

I Survived!

Yes, I survived the big performance! I sang that song by myself, along with the director's husband! Now I have to sing that song again Tuesaday. I just thought you should know this Ness.

I'll post sometime again soon. Hopefully.

Tone Deaf

Yes, that's what I am! Tone deaf! I cannot sing! No, I can't. Not at all. Not in the least or the most. I can't sing at all.

I think I should look back at my previous posts and see what possessed me to join theater in the first place. I can't sing, dance, or act. Why did I join? Joining just to join is not a good reason, and hopefully I learn my lesson from this whole experience and never say that again.

UGH! Nick, the other ensemble member, wasn't at practice today so I had to sing that God forsaken willows song all by myself! And boy, was I bad. Nobody else in the cast said anything about my horribleness, but then again they had their own little goodbye things they had to do.

I'm not the only horrible singer in the theater group, but I think I'm the only one that has to sing alone. And really really high. Everyone else sounds remotely good, but me? NO! And then I have to use a microphone! I was kinda hoping I could just sing without it so no one would hear me, but then the director throws the microphone in my face so everyone in West Africa can hear me. Great.

And I know, "You knew you were going to sing so you shouldn't have joined." But I thought I'd be singing in a group and not by my lonesome. Luckily Nick is going to be singing with me, but for two verses I'm all by myself. UGH! I shouldn't have joined. Really, I shouldn't have.

The scary thing is that I might join next year too! I can't resist! I may not like being on stage, but I like going to practices and singing with the group and stuff. I just don't like the fact that I have to sing that song...I sound so bad! That's the problem, I suck at singing that song! By no means am I Mariah Carey, but that stinking song is hard! A part of me wishes I was blessed with vocal talent...But we all can't be blessed with everything.

I had my Aspire interview today. It went ok. It could have gone better, but it was good. I hope I get that job.

I can't wait until theater is over. A lot of people know I can't sing. And if people complain I'll just tell them they should of replaced me.

There's a lot of people in my school that are into theater, but for some reason they never join the school's theater group. WTF? Why won't these people who go on and on about their theater career try out for our theater group? When I ask these people this they always have twenty billion excuses, one of the most common is that they didn't know when the auditions were (yeah right). Or that they didn't like the play (whatever). Or that their parents didn't let them. Sometimes I think they're lying. It always makes me mad, cause our theater group could use some help. But I'm still glad it's almost over. Just two more weeks of this! Two more weeks!

So Thirsty!!

Good Lord! I'm starting to get aggravated about my RPing situation. I don't know if I told you Ness, but I dropped the Winnie account and made a new one with more characters. I'm still on Mori. That's the place giving me all the grief.

First, nobody replies to my RPs. I'm stuck between whether my opening posts suck or it's my titles. I'm pretty sure it's my titles. I think I would be thoroughly hurt if my characters were to blame. Although I think that too! People want the out of the box these days, and the gothier the character the better. None of my characters fit this criteria other than Grielle, who is by far the more popular among my characters. Astra and Ezra always get replies, even if it takes a few months. I just don't know. I really get hurt, cause some people start the crappiest of threads with those damn one-liners and they always get replies. What, Ness, do I need to do? I dunno. I'm gonna keep working on it.

Second, I know there's no law saying you can't reply to people's character pages, but come on. Seriously. I think it's a friend thing. Like all these people know each other outside of the website and they just chat it up on there. That's fine and dandy, but...I'll be real. I get so jealous! Nobody ever gets hype over me or my babies. Not on the internet or in real life. I don't know how to connect with people I guess. But I'm going to work on it.

Ugh. All the after school programs were closed today, and Saturday jugs canceled, but we STILL have practice tomorrow! Ness, I seriously can't wait to get this play off my back, along with the song. I haven't even practiced in a week. I feel bad, but not really. No, if I suck I suck. That's it. Really.

My Aspire interview has been moved to Sunday. I still wish it was tomorrow. Just to get it over with. My English teacher totally put me on blast and sent everyone an email about it. So all day people, random teachers, would stop me in the hallway and congratulate me. I was slightly embarrassed. I didn't even get the job! We'll all look real stupid if I don't get the job and they congratulated me like that. Real dumb.

Mom's B-Day

Today's my mom's birthday! I felt so bad that I couldn't think of a card idea that I wrote her a letter saying I owed her one. She liked it. I didn't think she'd like it as much, but she really did. Hopefully I can remember to wow her with her card.

That meeting we had was nice. It sucked, but not as bad as I thought it would. I learned a lot about my mom and she learned a lot from me. For example, I found out that my mom was/still is extremely depressed. That sucked about the meeting. I want my mom to be happy, but she came out and said that she was crying everyday. I felt so bad! Then she explained it wasn't our (me and my sister) fault. It was all my dad's fault. No surprise there.

I mostly explained myself. I explained that I have major time management problems and that's why I never do chores. This is so true! I need to work out my time better, cause most of the time I do leisurely stuff. And then I explained that Arieana never tells me anything, like if she's hungry or if she ate or not. I always get in trouble because Arieana wants to be quiet until my mom wakes up when she knows I'm around to feed her. It makes me so mad! But my mom knows now, so hopefully if I forget to ask Arieana if she's hungry, she won't yell at me as much.

OGT is coming up! I'm nervous about the math section. That's the only one I'm pretty sure I can fail. The others you can think your way out, but in Math you have to know something. I know nothing. Or I remember nothing. I barely passed the practice test we had last week and Study Island is a total waste of time. It's so hard! So boring! I could be looking at anime pictures or thinking instead of failing all those quizzes on there. Ugh. I can't wait until this is over.

Another thing that I want to end is theater. The only reason I joined was to join. Yeah. It would look good on a college application later on, so to get used to the theater geeks, I might as well start now, right? Ugh! People are so annoying! Most of the ensemble members quit, and that's fine and dandy, but now I have to sing two verses of a song by myself! OK, this isn't all that bad, since there are people who have to sing ENTIRE songs by themselves. But I have to sing so high! Eh. There's only two performances, so that's not so bad. It'll be over lickety-split and I'll be back to doing nothing. What I enjoy most.

OR I could use my free time to start drawing again. I haven't drawn in a long time! I really want to use that book I got on drawing. I mean, get through the whole book. I really hated the contour drawing though. I don't know why, but I really didn't enjoy that. Oh well. I'm gonna finish that book sometime in my lifetime. That's for sure. I just don't know when...

DAMN YOU STEAK AND SHAKE!!! And all your damn milkshake deliciousness! Ugh! I feel so sick right now. I felt even worse this morning. I woke up at 2:39 AM! AM! And I stayed up until like, ten or so when I started my series of short naps. I'd say in all I got about four to five hours of sleep last night. Maybe six. Yeah, cause I went to bed at 11 before I woke up.

A long story is about to start Ness! But before I get into all that, I got the Aspire interview! Can you believe it? Neither can I! I totally thought my mom sent in all that stuff too late, but she didn't obviously. All I'm worried about is teaching a ten-minute activity to the head honchos of the place. I hope I can come up with something spectacular before Saturday.

So, yesterday after theater practice, my family and I went to the IX Center to see the Auto Show. OK, I know, I always hate going to the IX Center and it tends to be awesome...At least, that's what I remember. My memories and reality are always arguing anyway.

So, the Auto Show was nice. I really enjoyed the robot, Maxwell, that one of the car companies had. He was so funny! But my mom got mad because she came to see the cars, not a "damn robot" as she put it.

At first, I thought things would be worse than normal with my parents because whenever we go out, they always argue and bitch about something relatively stupid. But at the Auto Show, everything was surprisingly cool! They were actually speaking calmly and looking at each other, my mom didn't really raise her voice, and my dad and I were talking! I haven't spoken to him in weeks, ever since that whole falling out happened. I don't want to mention it again if I did already, nor do I want to mention it now, so yeah, he messed up big time. So I didn't talk to him.

Everything was cool at the Auto Show. Great. We get in the car and start heading for Steak and Shake, one of my favorite places to go. The food is cheap, but the milkshakes are to die for! The only difference this time is we went to the Steak and Shake closest to us, in the Steelyard. That was a horrible idea! God-awful! If I could turn back time, I would tell my mom to just stop by Wendy's or something. Get us some lard.

We get to Steak and Shake, sit down, and start talking. All is well. Then our server comes over. And fucks up our orders. Of course, I don't really care, because through some mystical magic I end up getting two milkshakes. But my mom is completely pissed. Like, off the wall, spitting flames, eyes red, pissed. It was also the quiet pissed, not yelling, but mumbling to your neighbors (which included me) about how you were going to hurt somebody. It was scary.

My mom then starts to get into us after my dad says something really rude. She says she doesn't get appreciated and how she's going to live in misery and be fat and all this other stuff. She got up and left us. Then I started to get mad. Every time we go out as a family, it ends horribly! It never ends well!

We were supposed to have a family meeting at six...I'm not sure that's going to happen.

Well, I gotta do my homework. Hopefully everything works itself out.

Post 200

Yeah, I couldn't think of a better title...

Today is a leap year day! So I decided to post! It might be short, it might be long, I still don't know. But I do know this day won't come again for another four years! How freaky, you know? What place in my life was I at four years ago? Where will I be four years from now? The questions are endless!

Hmm...This girl in my class Tracee, she took a picture of me with some sunglasses on! And I really like the picture. That's the funny thing! I love that picture. God, I hope I look something like that forever, or at least until I get married. Then I won't have to care about what I look like...That's a lie.

But I really like that picture! I've never liked a picture that much thus far. I'm gonna post it! Hopefully no one I knows reads this, but then again, I update so irregularly that no one will want to read you Ness!
Ignore my major cleavage. But I really love those two shirts together. I was supposed to be from the 70s. Yes, I know I failed. Oh yeah, I totally was "posing" and I was wearing my regular glasses under the sunglasses. I always do that with sunglasses. Anyway, man, I look good! But I wish I had actually smiled, instead of trying to be "cute". I still can't believe I actually look like that. It's weird. But I like it!

Wow, I haven't been on here in a while!

Yeah, I'm having one of those teenage moments. I'm really not liking being tall. It's bothering me. And it's weird because I sure as hell wouldn't want to be short, but I'm not enjoying being tall either.

I know there are a lot of people out there with worse problems, but I'm not one of those people. I'm pretty regular.

This is it. I should start on my homework...Yeah..

I feel really inadequate, like really lame. I know this is a normal feeling for teenagers to feel, but I hate it when it sneaks up on me.

When I get around seniors I feel really lame...I was sitting by a bunch of seniors after school and I just felt totally out of it. But then this freshman girl shows up and starts to talk to one of them! Their conversation was so smooth, so seamless! I wish all my conversations with seniors were like that, heck, with anybody really. My conversations don't get smooth until I've known someone for a while...And in this day and age when everybody wants everything fast...Ah well.

I'm bored...I need to start my homework and get a life....

Pretty

Can you believe some random girls called me pretty yesterday?! Neither can I, Ness!

I was talking to my Art teacher and these seniors were working on their sculpture thing. So me and my art teacher are talking and one of the girls comes over and says, "Did you know you're really pretty?" and I said no, which wasn't the best reply, but it was the truth and I was caught off guard. Then this junior pipes in and agrees with the senior who asked me and I was just shocked.

Now, a lot of people could say, "They were lying." but it seemed so sincere. Random things are usually the most sincere, at least to me they are. That totally brightened my entire day, and now I'm still thinking about it!

I mean, I'm not ugly, but I wouldn't say I'm inhumanly beautiful either. I think you need to be looking for something a little different to find me attractive. My body isn't that great, nor is it that bad. I'm tall, so, thankfully, I can carry all the extra fat I have. And I've found it doesn't take much for me to lose weight either.

One day I'll use those factors to my advantage.

Jayson and I are on cooler terms now. I think I was just really mad at him yesterday...Or whenever I posted last.

There's nothing really going on here...I'm bored and I thought I should just post that I'm not angry/questioning Jayson anymore. I might be in a few days, but as of right now I'm not.

Nobody reads my blog. This saddens me, but I know this is the way it must go. My title is probably going to turn off many people, and I'm stuck with a bunch of Hispanic and Russian blogs...Ah well.

I'm going to work on my homework now, hopefully.

Sometimes I get the feeling that Jayson is lying to me. I get that feeling with a lot of people I talk to these days, and there's nothing I can do about it. Yeah, I could question what they're talking about by dipping my big nose in their lives, but that'd be for what? The only person I'd try to do that with is Jayson. Just cause we're so close.

So yeah, yesterday we were talking (way too much) and he tells me...Let's just cover the whole conversation.

I wasn't too psyched to go to bowling yesterday (it got canceled) and Jayson called pretty much right after school let out. I was bored, and wanted to look cool, so I talked to the guy...Yeah, he's desperate. I mean, I used to think I was pretty thirsty for a relationship, but Jayson takes it to another level. He talked about selling his body and other crazy crap. And I talked him out of it.

Jayson makes me want to like shake him or something. I have to take into account he has some sort of imbalance (seriously) and that he's sensitive, but keeping quiet is starting to get on my nerves. He always has to go to extremes. He really worries me.

Oh yeah, the lying thing. Jayson tells me about how some girl asked him to do drugs and how he thought about it. Then he goes into a story about he's been drunk a bunch of times and how he blacked out twice. Then he tells me about his little sexcapade in 8th grade and I'm like, WTF?

Now, don't get me wrong, it's very possible that Jayson could of lived a life on the crazy side...But then it's like he brings this stuff up at really odd times. And so freely! It's hard to describe. Then it's like he's confused. You know how confused people just bring up random stuff when they don't know what's going on...I get that same feeling with Jayson.

Yesterday he said he wanted, no excuse me, he cross-dressed and wished he could do it in public. WHAT THE F***?! Ness, you know me, and you know I love me some cross-dressing boys, but Jayson? I've never ever imagined him doing something like that, and he seemed pretty repulsed by the idea (I know I've brought it up at least once, especially since watching Fruits Basket.) but to now all of a sudden say these things.

A part of my soul is convinced Jayson is a confused being. There's no doubt about it. The advice I give him about finding his true self, something I'm still trying to do, he completely ignores. Ah well...

Ex-Replaced

Well, I think my replacement has been reversed. Jayson and I are talking right now. About drama, as usual.

I don't feel very comfortable talking, mainly because I have to arch my back an odd way and twist my head to hold the phone to my ear. This really bothers me...I wish I had a headset, or bluetooth like my mom. That'd be cool, but then again, a waste of money since I don't talk on the phone all like that.

I just googled my name, to see if it would somehow lead back to my blog, and there's waaaay too many people with the same name as me! It's creepy weird, how these people have the same name. I'm talking about first and last name! So weird! I feel a little less unique now, knowing that potential bosses will be looking me up. I'm glad I'm not easily found...Unless these potential bosses want to look through thousands of pages to find me.

Replaced

Jayson has officially replaced me with Katherine and Kat has replaced me with a whole bunch of freshmen. I suck.

It hit me like a ton of bricks today after mid-terms. I was sitting there talking to her and then I just realized that I wasn't really that important to her. Then she kept mentioning how she's been talking to Jayson on Myspace and on this Gay Teen Forum thing (I would love to make an account there and BS my way to...Well, never mind.) and he never told me about that! Then again we haven't talked for a few weeks.

I'm pretty sure Jayson wants me to call him, which isn't happening. Especially now. I'll probably call his cell after this week, but not during. I really need to buckle down and study.

Back to the point, I feel a little sad. I'm not really important to a lot of people. I'm usually second fiddle. That's not bad, but I do love attention from friends. I really do. Maybe I should call Jayson's house...

But I have a huge phobia about stuff like that!! I really hate calling people's houses. Like, detest. Loath. That's why I give people my cell number so they don't have to go through the same embarrassment I feel when calling houses. Hopefully I'll grow out of this silly thing, but as of right now, me growing out of it will be a long time from now.

Today went pretty well, aside from that noticing I wasn't really on a few people's top friends list thing. Maybe I should get more active in Myspace? Naaah.

This is short. Short to me at least. I gotta get my hair washed. I should finish this another time...But I need to study! Study study study!

Did you know minna means everybody in Japanese? I was wondering about that for a while, and now I know! Woohoo!

Hmm...

OK, the last few days I really didn't study much. Well, I didn't study at all, maybe two hours a day, not even that.

So now, I'm worried.

I knew I would regret this! I knew it! Damn you....Well, I won't say it here, but still, what I was doing for free, on the Internet, involving video, of people, should be damned. No wonder it's a sin.

I hate when I get distracted by something stupid. Anything on the Internet is stupid to get distracted by since it'll always be there, or at least be there when I'm done studying...

But there's light at the end of the tunnel! This morning, while dreaming of some crazy stuff, involving people, mostly gay males, I recited a whole bunch of Biology stuff. I'm not sure if I said it out loud, but I just went through most of my study guide. I was amazed! I totally didn't know I remembered that stuff. It made me feel good that I have such a good memory.

The school week starts tomorrow and I'm nervous. Not really about Biology and Theology, my first tests. I'm worried about Spanish and Math (I'll tell you now, it will be a miracle of huge proportions if I pass that Math mid-term with an A.) because those are some of the classes I'm struggling in. Especially Math! God, I hate that class.

I really need to get back to Rping. That's the one thing I told myself I would drop for mid-terms. If only I could drop everything else...

Studying...Not really.

Dude, I lost my vagina picture! I'm so pissed and worried! Man, I lent it out a few times during Biology and now I don't have it. I mean, I could get another picture and fill it out, but it won't be the same!

I'm such a nerd...Good Lord.

Hmm, I didn't enjoy work today. It was boring and I spent it surrounded by files. Files upon files upon files! I detest files now. I also detest having to put loads of files in alphabetical order. I did that for like four hours. It was boring in the beginning, plus I was cramping like hell, but then I started to imagine a story in my head and it got better. Then I started to sing songs from the Lion King and it was awesome. Although I was really worried someone would hear me, since I was right next to a couple of cubicles.

Studying is so boring! I can't believe I started so late! Didn't I mention I would regret not starting to study sooner? Yes!

I noticed yesterday that I post mini-novellas. Would that turn people off? I dunno. Some people like to read, others don't. If I saw a blog post that was long I would probably read it. If it was short I wouldn't want to read it because I wouldn't know what was going on. Then again it doesn't really matter how long my blog posts are, because my blog is by, like, Russian blogs. And if people happen to be cruising Russian blogs they sure as hell aren't looking for ones in English!

I don't really know if I want people to read my blog. My life really isn't all that amazing. I go into these long stints of not posting. I talk about shota and pedophiles a lot. There's 'teenage' in the title. Not a lot of things people, average people, would want to read.

Do pedophiles have blogs? I was looking for some a while ago and didn't find any. What would I search? YF, young friend? All the ones I found using that were for churches and youth groups, not a hint of shota in them.

That's freaky though, looking for pedophile blogs. It's almost an obsession I have, in a scientific kinda way. Not a, "I totally wanna be one of them!" way, more, "Look at the interesting specimens!" way.

Sometimes I wish I was a short gay male. A black male, but sometimes white too. That'd be kinda awesome, but sucky. I doubt the black community would be really accepting of me, if I was a gay dude. Who am I kidding, no way they'd accept me! I bet I would be a flamer! I don't want to be a flamer! Noooooooo!

I dislike flamers and their broken wrists!! Nooooooooooooooaaaaaarrrrgggghhhh!

Found!

Real imaginative title, I know.

My binder was found! Without my notebook! I'm still happy I have my History binder and my planner. I can get notes from other kids.

The return of my binder confirms that Jasmine did in fact steal it and I'm not going crazy. Now I have a reason to dislike her, and I shall take that reason to the bank of justice! I hold grudges for a very long time...Well, not really. I usually need fuel to hold grudges, and if Jasmine stops stealing my crap, I won't have that fuel.

But I still don't like her.

You know, I need to change your name Ness. It reminds me of the Lock Ness Monster, and I don't like the comparison. I changed my blog's title, so it's time for a name change for you...I dunno what to call you, but I'm thinking about it!

Oh yeah, you know what else? If I was a teenage criminal who cheated off of others, I sure as hell wouldn't steal from the same girl twice. No, I would actually steal from a smart person once, but only if I knew there'd be know way for anyone to know it was me...

Wait! Here's what I'd do: I'd work my way up. First do a paper or two, then steal a paper from someone slightly smarter than me, then go up and up until my teacher is convinced I've gotten smarter! Though, that's a dumb idea. Which proves that stealing in general is dumb.

I bet I would make a horrible criminal. Maybe if I lost my conscience I would make a great one, but not now. No way! I would be worried out of my mind the entire time. I would wonder if the police would somehow find me out. I don't think they'd have a hard time. I'm really easy to identify.

I think if I went crazy I would make an awesome male pedophile...I shouldn't be talking about this...

Robbed...Again

I've had a crappy school day. It's one of those crappy days that go well until the very end, when you can taste the ending of a really good school day. A lot of crappy stuff happened in the past two hours.

OK, I come down to Art class after having a really awesome time in History. Me and my friends were doing charades of the famous people from the beginning of America. It was a blast! I love charades! I totally own that game, or pwn like the kids say these days. It was so much fun...

So, I come down to Art class with my binder and stuff, still looking through it so I can act out more people and things. I gave up and started to color my picture (It's coming together rather nicely, if I do say so myself.) and put my History stuff in front of me so I don't lose it or whatever.

The rest of Art class goes smoothly, though I got called out and complained about it for half an hour. Once school ended I was laughing it off with my friends, just joking around. Around 4, this girl, Jasmine, comes in and talks to us and goes crazy. I don't really notice what she's doing, since I'm working on my Art stuff. Then she leaves. And comes back and grabs her books, which were at the end of the table (I was in the middle, along with my History stuff.) and leaves.

About 5-10 minutes after Jasmine leaves, I notice my History stuff is gone. Along with my life, a.k.a my planner. I go crazy and start searching the room for my stuff, which was dumb, since it was sitting right in front of me only a few minutes ago. Seeing that I didn't lose it, I misplace my stuff a lot, I run downstairs, bugging people along the way to see if they've seen Jasmine.

I go to my locker, grab my coat, then I run, yes, RUN to the bus stops (there's two) to see if Jasmine is there. Let me tell you, these bus stops are a hump to WALK to, think about RUNNING there (Corriendo, is Spanish for running!....I think...I should be studying for finals...). Jasmine isn't there, so I run back to the school and search the Art room again for my stuff. I didn't find it, so I run around the school asking people if they've seen Jasmine. Then I run into my English teacher's room and tell her the situation.

Now, Jasmine has a past with me. Remember the girl who totally ripped off my paper last year? The girl who stole my paper from a pile of them, took it home, and copied my stuff word for word? And handed it in!? That's this Jasmine, the girl who I'm pretty convinced has my books. There's no other possibility!

Anyway, my English teacher goes to my History teacher, tells him the deal, and they both said they'd handle it. They also said they'd print off all the stuff I'd had in my binder which was EVERYTHING FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE SCHOOL YEAR! Everything! Everything!

After that I go into the hallway and burst into tears, borderline sobs. My English teacher tells me not to worry, but it's in my DNA to worry! I'm standing there like, "How the hell am I going to study for Finals? HOW?! I will kill her (Jasmine)!" I didn't say anything to my teacher, but I wanted to hunt down Jasmine and find out the truth.

When my mom comes and picks me up I tell her and she goes crazy. She rushes inside the school looking for my principal, who isn't there, and I'm forced to replay the half an hour time period when my stuff was stolen (or accidentally taken). Then my mom goes upstairs and tells my History teacher how she feels, including that she doesn't like the fact that Jasmine still goes to my school. Then we go home and my mom comforts me along the way...Not that I was crying, but we just talk and the talking was comforting.

I know what's going to happen tomorrow. Jasmine is going to lie and say she doesn't have my stuff, but I know she does. As soon as I looked up and noticed my stuff was gone, she popped in my head. My body knows these things! I know she has my crap and I want it back! I don't know what I'll do tomorrow if she doesn't have my stuff, but I know that she will be threatened. I don't care who's standing around, she will be up against a wall somewhere.

Why do people act like such ignorant bastards? Even if Jasmine didn't take my stuff on purpose, I'm just putting the question out there. Why act stupid? Do you not have any morals? This goes for anything. I really hate people sometimes. They just do stupid stuff over petty reasons!

I was about to say something...But then I forgot. I hope everything works out tomorrow, or someone will get their feelings hurt. Most likely me, but it's nice to put violent stuff out there like that.

Bowling

I joined the bowling team and let me tell you, I suck. A lot... Though, as I think about it, I do start off really well in the beginning. Today we had practice and the first game I played I totally destroyed those pins! Then as I got tired I started to suck more and more...Then I ended with a really bad score.

History class makes me want to cry. It's so painfully boring. I just go crazy in that class. I mean, if I was normal and didn't care about my grade there I would just go to sleep. but I can't do that. So, since I can't go to sleep, I stay awake, take crappy notes (He gives crappy notes.) and make jokes all throughout his class. Today I laughed and sang, and the only reason I didn't get jugged out of my mind is because he, my teacher, was laughing too. Everybody was laughing....

Ok, left my post and went and looked at Gothic Lolita clothing..I totally love that style.

Round Two

OK, after reading a few of my past posts I came to realize that I rock at being a human being and should continue telling people (coughyoucough) about my life. Which is very stressful right now.

Mid-terms are two weeks away, well, OK, maybe one week away... And I've given up on studying today. I'm going to regret it later, but I know I should catch up on my blog. I really need to check my spelling on this thing too.

Maybe it's just my monthlies (I was reading this book about a girl in like, the 1900s and she said "monthlies" and the term for "God wanting females to produce life" stuck.) coming, but I'm really stressed. And tired all the time. But the fact I want to cry and scream at the same time comes from stress. For sure.

Anyway, Math and Art made me want to cry an effing tsunami today. Gawd, they were so complicated! We're learning Geometry, I think, in Math class and I *was* completely lost. An hour ago I made a breakthrough and figured out I was over thinking the whole symmetry thing. Great. It was my fault the entire time.

I also realized that my memory of math crap I did in fifth grade is horrible. God-awful (Which is my new favorite combination of words, by the way.). Today in class, for some reason I can't remember, we had to do percents. I wasn't all that great at percents when I first learned them, hell, I still don't know the decimal places. I tried though, my Math teacher even told us how to solve the problem. Still got all the ones I attempted wrong. I wanted to cry. I was so beat up by the end of that class.

Don't get me wrong, being wrong isn't so bad. I'm wrong about simple things all the time. It's just when you're wrong so much, in front of the entire class, and that whole class sees you struggle...Then being wrong sucks.

In Art we're doing color schemes/mandalas. I'm behind in that class cause I had to tutor today. Anyway, the first 4 or 5 color schemes I made, she didn't really like. So today at school, around the time my mom was supposed to be there, I made a new one I really liked. Then I showed my Art teacher. After she determined which one I was pointing to, she said, "Oh, Ariel, I like that green right there." I was like, I made that on Monday, why are you telling me this now?! I could of incorporated it somehow! Then after me bitching for a while, she said, "Well, that one ((my color scheme)) is nice. Use whatever you feel comfortable with." I replied, "Well, how am I going to feel comfortable when the lady with the art degree suggests a different color?!" I felt like crying. Again.

The reason I got so mad was because everyone in my sophomore class has chosen their pencils for their color scheme and has them for personal use. The only colors left behind are ugly. And that green she loved wasn't in the ugly pile, obviously. I liked that green too, but when I showed it to her the first time she said, oh I can't remember, basically she discouraged me from using that color.

It makes me mad now, but I know that I'm gonna work with my color scheme. I liked them before my Art teacher ruined it, and I still like them now. The only thing left to worry about is the time I'll have to color that dang mandala, which isn't a lot. Er.... That is if I don't procrastinate, which will probably happen. That was the downfall of all the past art projects, this "down fall" leading me to stay after school for a too-long period of time. I might have to quit a few things next week.

In other news, I might get a summer job as a Junior Teacher at this Aspire Program at Hathaway Brown. The application is like twenty-pages long and requires you to make a lesson plan. I have my English teacher to help, so I'm not too worried. The only serious thing that bums me out about this opportunity is that fact that I will, WILL, WILL have to work on my birthday. My 16th birthday! This is a very important teenage birthday. And it had to land on an effing Tuesday this year! What a sucky day! Sucky sucky day!

I even tried now, when I don't even know if I'll be working at the place, to weasel out of it, but my English teacher basically said, "Well, celebrate it the weekend before, then go out to dinner the day of...But if you need the whole summer to rest.." C'mon. Did she not have a 16th birthday too? I bet she would of been more than a little pissed if she had to work at the ice-cream shop (One teacher worked there...) or whatever. But then again, when I'm older...If I become a teacher, I'll have the summers off! Huzzah! Then I won't have to work on my birthday...I should think of kids who have birthdays during any other season. They have to go to school! That would suck. I guess I should shut the hell up about my petty problem. I need to get the job first.

Oh! I became hysterically happy/depressed when I made this realization: My math teacher is gay. Yep, the happy "I love dudes" kind. I mean, my gaydar may not be the most well used, but whenever I've had friends come out to me (2 is a really big number to me, especially in my little world.) I've always known they were gay! So I've had experience in this matter. Everyone thought the guy was a little funny, but I now have definite proof. He's gay.

Why depressed, you ask? When normally I'm attacking the gays I encounter/fantasize over gays in general? Easy. The teacher I wanted to marry is gay. Forget the fact by the time I'm legal/somehow attractive he'll be, what? 28? Ten year difference, which isn't so bad in yaoi. But since I'm not some attractive, short, gay boy this all sucks! Why do I keep getting attracted to gay guys/goth guys/guys I would grow to hate in a few short hours/guys that don't like me? Am I setting myself up for failure?

Lately I've been fantasizing about my future husband and some gay guy (Maybe Jayson? Ha, no way.) who happens to be around. My husband is so damn effeminate that the gay guy, who's blond, is always hitting on him! And then we all laugh it off in my classroom after school.

One word about my fantasies: Realistic. (/sarcasm)

Whoaa...

Yeah, I haven't post here in a while. I've been, I dunno. I mean, I've been on the computer, just not on here...

Typing out posts is a long process for me. I like to change and edit stuff and then I might find something else on the computer to do, or I might have to get off the Internet. Like right now.

I really will try to post more often Ness. Sometime this year... After Mid-Terms maybe?