I lost both my ID badges! God, I feel so stupid and dumb! Well, those two words mean the same thing, but still! I'm so pissed at myself. The thing just fell off my necklace thing. Both my ID badges (from this year and last year) was in this clear case I got from my job, along with a used bus pass and a quarter, and the whole thing just fell off. It's the second time that's happened. God! I'm more worried about getting a detention than I am about the actually article, although I'm pretty worried about my badges too.

More recently, I'm not up to getting into yesterday, I got an email (well, a few) from Jayson today and one said he was done trying to contact me and that, basically, the ball was in my court. That letter pissed me off.

So, now it's my time to rant, which I have a feeling I'll regret reading later.

Like, dude, we talked a few days ago. Tuesday to be exact. And it's not like he doesn't know I don't like calling people, and I'm not obsessively checking my phone. I rarely answer the thing, even when my mom calls. The whole ultimatum thing just pisses me off. I hate when people do that.

I feel like Jayson doesn't realize I have a life, or something closely resembling one. I'm doing crap down here, not checking cell phones. He doesn't know if I'm dead in a ditch somewhere (God forbid) or what's going on. And yeah, that's bad, seeing he's far away, but dropping bombs like that is not cool. I'd never do that to somebody. Maybe cause I'd never attempt to call them, since I don't like calling people. Or maybe that I'd confront the person, or cause I do those "reaching out" type actions (ME sending something instead of them) so rarely that I never have to worry about people never responding. And if they don't I still wouldn't just say, "This is it. It's up to you." I've never had to, and I doubt I ever would do something like that.

Am I that bad a friend? That after a few days of not being around my phone when Jayson calls that I'm not worth it? I mean, he really doesn't have to call all like that. Once in a while is ok, not five times a day. Heck, once every other day would do the trick.

On a deeper level though, I think the reason I don't really try to be by my phone when he calls is cause he calls so often. After a while of him calling every day, it's like, "Hell, he'll call again. Let's hope I'm by my phone. And even if I'm not, he'll call again." If he called a little less, maybe I'd be more inclined to try and answer those calls.

And then, I'm a teenage girl. I may not want to talk to people all like that. I really don't like talking to people all like that, not everyday. Especially if I got a minute conscience mom to worry about. I wonder how I can break the whole changing hormones this to him. He must of learned about moody girls in school by now.

But he knows about me! He knows I don't like talking on the phone, and that school is hard, and that I'm not the most quick to respond. He knows this! And yet he wants to go crazy about it? About me?

Yeah, me not answering the phone happened in the summer, I know. I'm a sucky friend ok? I'll always be there, but I need my alone time too.

I must be a sucky friend. I guess, although in my soul I don't feel like one. Maybe I'm a sucky long distance friend. I dunno.