I know I haven't been here in a while. Shoot me.

I'm so angry and upset right now. There's been a lot going on in my life, with my dad leaving (finally, and hopefully for good) and other crap, and school isn't making it better. It's making it all worse.

Ever since that health fair, where, according to my group members, I was a total bitch to them, people have either randomly come up to me and said that I was mean or said it in a classroom full of people during a seminar. That last thing just happened today.

We went to Notre Dame college today and halfway through the tour this one girl is like, "Oh, Ariel, George was talking about you in class today." And since George is cool with me, I'm all happy when I said, "Really, what did he say?" The girl then says, "He said that you always dog people because you think you smarter than them." Some other girl then agreed that he said it too. Luckily, before I burst into tears, both of the girls who told me this were like, "I got mad cause you don't act like that!". That made me happy.

Why are people coming up to me with this useless information? Why do they get in my face and tell me how I act? I don't get it. I also don't understand why these people think it's OK to do something like that. I have feelings too! So what if YOU think I think I'm smarter than everyone else. Deal with it. Suck it up and count some effing daisies for all I care. It makes me so mad!

I'm not extremely nice, but am I a complete bitch? Hell no. I'm not even as mean as some people in my class. I'm nice, waaay nice, compared to certain people. Yet lately, others haven't felt that way. Why should I care? I wish I didn't care. I wish it didn't hurt my feelings like it does and I wish I didn't cry over it a few minutes ago. Why can't people just like me? Why can't they just accept me?

When people bring this whole, she-thinks-she's-smarter-than-everyone-else thing up, it shows their insecurity (at least to me). Like, OK, if I did think that, what does it have to do with you? So what if she thinks she's smart, I know she isn't the smartest person here. I (Ariel) know I'm not the smartest person in the sophomore class. Even if I am, miraculously, I would never boast about it. I NEVER boast about my grades. I don't even tell people my grades unless they ask me about them. So if I do that, how the hell do I think I'm on some high horse? I'm not cause I DON'T think I'm better than everyone else. If people got to KNOW me instead of making an ass out of themselves by ASSUMING then I wouldn't be right here right now.

What hurts the most is that George said it. I thought George liked me. But then again, the more I think about that kid and our past interactions, his speaking out doesn't surprise me. I think George has always felt that I somehow belittled him. Even in the beginning of the year! Especially in Spanish class. Whenever we had a test he'd be like, "You got an A, right?". Usually I'd shrug. I mean, he was right, I did get the A. Though, that's not the point. The point is, he always came at me with this attitude of defeat. Once or twice I'd say something to encourage him, tell him to do his work, I don't know! I can't remember! I know I didn't totally blow him off. When people make that situation, the one where they know I got a better grade than them and I know too, it always sucks for me. What am I supposed to say? "It was the luck of the Irish that I passed that test anyway." Uh, no. I'm not Irish nor am I stupid. Plus, I always say before the test is even graded that I feel like I didn't do well.

It sucks being in this position. Like, I can't and won't dumb myself down to appease everyone bitching, but on the other hand I can't please them with my attitude! I can't change me. I can monitor me, I can think about me, but I won't change. I've changed way too much because of other people and their bitchiness. I wish people would just effing DEAL with life and stop coming up to me about it. Whenever I have a problem with someone, I talk to my friends, who I KNOW won't go off at the mouth. I never, ever, go to their face and bitch nor do I bring them up in a seminar in front of a class of what? Twenty-five or more people? Come on. Give me a break, jeez.

George George George. I don't know how I'm going to deal with that kid. I might bring it up to him, I might not. I probably will. I don't know. I'm glad school is almost over though. Real glad.