Jealous

Yep. I haven't changed. I still envy popular people.

I was reading some of my posts yesterday. I was talking about how I wished I were some people and how I wished I had more friends. I now know what I want. At least I think I do.

I don't want friends. I don't want fame or fortune. Artistic talent would be utterly amazing, yes! What I really want is someone to love me.

Sounds mega cheesy, but that's what I want. I know I have family and I shouldn't complain, but a family is supposed to love you. That's their job. It would be awesome to just have someone fawn over me or something. Be happy to see me all the time. Like, uber excited. I dunno. Basically a fangirl or fanboy for me.

Maybe people are happy to see me (Ms. Brickner comes to mind) but they don't show it. I guess. It's probably one of those situations where you don't know you have it till it's gone. So yeah, in that sense, I'm glad I have "it". I would like more though. I'm just greedy.

And maybe I'm not meant to be all lovey-dovey. I've never been in a relationship where lovey-dovey stuff is called for. Basically, I've never dated. I'm sure I'm gonna find a man though.

Finding a boyfriend doesn't bother me. Why? Men like sex. If it comes down to it, I'll have sex and get a boyfriend. I doubt I'd go that far, but just in case I'm almost prepared. Another thing is that there are a lot of awesome guys that aren't liked by the girls around them. So I'll step in and we'll date! In print it seems perfect but I know in real life it's not that simple.

Another thing that could make me feel this way is hormones. I think my teenage hormones are kicking in. Yeah, a little late, but they're here. And I hate it. I can't wait until I get out of this stage. Hopefully though, I'll keep all the mega cool things about the Teenage Me when I get to the Adult Me and lose all the crappy stuff. That'd be awesome.