Hello.

I haven't written in a while. I've been on the net, I just haven't written on done anything else. I don't know, I've been doing a lot of thinking, and here's what I've come up with:

1.My mom seriously needs to lay off.

This isn't one of those *teenager* things, it's basically fact. The hormones didn't make me realize this, other people did. She's always yelling at me and calling me all sorts of names, always talking about the way I look and dress, always talking about how I come off to people, always pointing out my faults. I don't have to be a psychologist to know that pointing out all your kids faults when they're a teenager is not something you wanna do. I get sick of it. Just, I wish she would lay off, you know. I mean, I still want her to care about me and stuff, but her telling me why the world hates me isn't vital to her parenting skills. Oh, and she totally isn't helping my self esteem either...

2. I seriously need to lay off my sister.

OK, OK, this I know I need to stop. I do to her exactly what my mom does to me. And I hate myself for it. I need to treat her better. But it's hard. All the attention gets put on her, and I'm not too proud to admit I'm jealous. Everybody loves her (shows her love at least) and then I walk into the room and the happiness just floats out the window or something. It always comes down to our weight. My sister is skinny, not toothpick skinny though, and me, well, by now you should know that I'm NOT skinny in any shape way or form. I was bitchin and moanin the other day about how I had no curves, so you know I'm fat. Most of the time I'm ok with being a little round, but when the WHOLE family talks about me and my sister being complete opposites, I get extremely anger and self conscience. Which then leads me to get jealous everytime I see her, and when I get jealous I get angry, and when I get angry I yell at her. Well, not yell, but I talk with an extremely agitated voice. I need to stop doing that. I want me and my sister to have a good relationship when we get older, cause I'm not too sure if me and my mom will have one...

3.I'm tired of my mom being a racist.

I can't really change this, and I know if I tried I'd make it worse, but I'm just putting this here cause I'm tired of it. She makes it seem like EVERY white person in the whole wide world is racist and is out to get her. This isn't true. I know there probably are some white people out to get her, but I haven't seen any yet. Well, not on the street. But then, my mom talks about EVERY black person she sees as if they're out to get her too. She's sending mixed messages. God, no wonder she won't let me do anything with anyone. She's paranoid, and so am I, probably just cause she is.

Well, I'm done for right now. I got more, but I'm gonna move on.

I started taking this internet art class and I did the first exercise, and I do say I'm pretty good. No, seriously. I was all proud of myself. See, you had to copy this picture of a guy sitting in a chair, but you had to turn the picture upside down. There were so many folds and lines and crap. I was nervous in the beginning, cause I didn't want the guy to look horrible (I'm like that with all my pictures) but then when I finished, I was all happy and excited and ready for the next thing.

Drawing is such a self-esteem booster, at least for me. I mean, when I draw something and I finish it, I'm all proud of myself and I feel good and stuff. Even though it may look like complete and utter crap to everybody else, I be all happy cause I worked hard on it and got it done. Yeah, I like drawing.

I got one of those Myspace page thingies and I actually filled it out and everything. I asked this one random chick to be my friend, and I haven't checked on it since. I was very truthful in my profile, which is probably why nobody looks at it. That's cool, cause the only reason I made on is cause my cousin sorta convinced me too. She says I need a life...I'm ok with not having one thank you.

I'm gonna post my copied picture on here probably later today. I left my sketchbook downstairs and I'm too lazy to go downstairs and come back upstiars...

See you soon.