Is it only a number?

You know the saying Ness, "Age is only but a number." But is it really?

This question has always been in the back of my mind, always making an appearance on my birthday. But today in the car, while talking on her cell phone, my mom mentioned how she's learning for my bad cousins how to treat me when I get 16. She's learning how to deal with the mood swings ("Don't I already have those?", I said.), the ups and downs.

The fact that I'm pretty young now depresses me. Why, when so many people today are fighting to find the fountain of youth? Well, I feel old. Really old. Older than I think I should feel.

What should I feel? What do normal fourteen-year-olds feel? How do I know I'm not normal? I mean, I see a difference from me and another average Jane fourteen-year-old girl. Some of them are really dumb and superficial (yet oddly important to me) like, she has a boyfriend, I don't. She gets invited to parties, I don't. She loves talking on the phone, I don't, unless I'm really hyper and going through a lack of a social fix.

Then others are, inside type things. She has a lot of friends (I think you attract friends cause of your insides, but that's another post), I don't (I'm sorta OK with that). She's flirtatious, I'm not. Kinda lame, inside type stuff, but my Internet just crashed and I couldn't think of anymore...

And yes, I know there are a whole boatload of other teenage girls my age that feel the same way as me, but where are they? Where do I find them? I know I'm not searching in the right places...I know I'm not alone. People are never alone. Emotions are universal. So, where are the others?

I dunno. The main point is that I feel old. It amazes me that I still have a lifetime to live. I'm only on the tip of the iceberg.