Round Two

OK, after reading a few of my past posts I came to realize that I rock at being a human being and should continue telling people (coughyoucough) about my life. Which is very stressful right now.

Mid-terms are two weeks away, well, OK, maybe one week away... And I've given up on studying today. I'm going to regret it later, but I know I should catch up on my blog. I really need to check my spelling on this thing too.

Maybe it's just my monthlies (I was reading this book about a girl in like, the 1900s and she said "monthlies" and the term for "God wanting females to produce life" stuck.) coming, but I'm really stressed. And tired all the time. But the fact I want to cry and scream at the same time comes from stress. For sure.

Anyway, Math and Art made me want to cry an effing tsunami today. Gawd, they were so complicated! We're learning Geometry, I think, in Math class and I *was* completely lost. An hour ago I made a breakthrough and figured out I was over thinking the whole symmetry thing. Great. It was my fault the entire time.

I also realized that my memory of math crap I did in fifth grade is horrible. God-awful (Which is my new favorite combination of words, by the way.). Today in class, for some reason I can't remember, we had to do percents. I wasn't all that great at percents when I first learned them, hell, I still don't know the decimal places. I tried though, my Math teacher even told us how to solve the problem. Still got all the ones I attempted wrong. I wanted to cry. I was so beat up by the end of that class.

Don't get me wrong, being wrong isn't so bad. I'm wrong about simple things all the time. It's just when you're wrong so much, in front of the entire class, and that whole class sees you struggle...Then being wrong sucks.

In Art we're doing color schemes/mandalas. I'm behind in that class cause I had to tutor today. Anyway, the first 4 or 5 color schemes I made, she didn't really like. So today at school, around the time my mom was supposed to be there, I made a new one I really liked. Then I showed my Art teacher. After she determined which one I was pointing to, she said, "Oh, Ariel, I like that green right there." I was like, I made that on Monday, why are you telling me this now?! I could of incorporated it somehow! Then after me bitching for a while, she said, "Well, that one ((my color scheme)) is nice. Use whatever you feel comfortable with." I replied, "Well, how am I going to feel comfortable when the lady with the art degree suggests a different color?!" I felt like crying. Again.

The reason I got so mad was because everyone in my sophomore class has chosen their pencils for their color scheme and has them for personal use. The only colors left behind are ugly. And that green she loved wasn't in the ugly pile, obviously. I liked that green too, but when I showed it to her the first time she said, oh I can't remember, basically she discouraged me from using that color.

It makes me mad now, but I know that I'm gonna work with my color scheme. I liked them before my Art teacher ruined it, and I still like them now. The only thing left to worry about is the time I'll have to color that dang mandala, which isn't a lot. Er.... That is if I don't procrastinate, which will probably happen. That was the downfall of all the past art projects, this "down fall" leading me to stay after school for a too-long period of time. I might have to quit a few things next week.

In other news, I might get a summer job as a Junior Teacher at this Aspire Program at Hathaway Brown. The application is like twenty-pages long and requires you to make a lesson plan. I have my English teacher to help, so I'm not too worried. The only serious thing that bums me out about this opportunity is that fact that I will, WILL, WILL have to work on my birthday. My 16th birthday! This is a very important teenage birthday. And it had to land on an effing Tuesday this year! What a sucky day! Sucky sucky day!

I even tried now, when I don't even know if I'll be working at the place, to weasel out of it, but my English teacher basically said, "Well, celebrate it the weekend before, then go out to dinner the day of...But if you need the whole summer to rest.." C'mon. Did she not have a 16th birthday too? I bet she would of been more than a little pissed if she had to work at the ice-cream shop (One teacher worked there...) or whatever. But then again, when I'm older...If I become a teacher, I'll have the summers off! Huzzah! Then I won't have to work on my birthday...I should think of kids who have birthdays during any other season. They have to go to school! That would suck. I guess I should shut the hell up about my petty problem. I need to get the job first.

Oh! I became hysterically happy/depressed when I made this realization: My math teacher is gay. Yep, the happy "I love dudes" kind. I mean, my gaydar may not be the most well used, but whenever I've had friends come out to me (2 is a really big number to me, especially in my little world.) I've always known they were gay! So I've had experience in this matter. Everyone thought the guy was a little funny, but I now have definite proof. He's gay.

Why depressed, you ask? When normally I'm attacking the gays I encounter/fantasize over gays in general? Easy. The teacher I wanted to marry is gay. Forget the fact by the time I'm legal/somehow attractive he'll be, what? 28? Ten year difference, which isn't so bad in yaoi. But since I'm not some attractive, short, gay boy this all sucks! Why do I keep getting attracted to gay guys/goth guys/guys I would grow to hate in a few short hours/guys that don't like me? Am I setting myself up for failure?

Lately I've been fantasizing about my future husband and some gay guy (Maybe Jayson? Ha, no way.) who happens to be around. My husband is so damn effeminate that the gay guy, who's blond, is always hitting on him! And then we all laugh it off in my classroom after school.

One word about my fantasies: Realistic. (/sarcasm)