Ah Well...

I actually came on the computer to study for my ever impending finals next week, but I got distracted as usual. I checked my email for the crochet tips that Mrs.K (the tenth grade theology teach sent me) and was reading around on the site.

I have the urge to crochet again. After that three day marathon of me crocheting like a crack addict on crack, you would think I would give up the art forever (that is my lazy style), but I'm in love with it. Also, I'm determined to make a hat. That's my main crochet goal, make a hat with kitty ears on it. Completely cheesy, I know, and I also know I'll probably never wear the hat in public (it's too attention getting) but I still want to do it. That hat is probably the only thing that's keeping "crochet" in my vocabulary.

UGH! Finals are next week. I need to study, but I couldn't forget you blog. You're another little mini-addiction I have. Along with a myriad with other things.

Hey blog, have you noticed my upgraded vocabulary? I hope so, cause I've been working on it. I dunno, I get so jealous of the teacher-popular people with big vocabularies that I wanted to work on mine. I mean, I know a lot of words, but I'm so used to making it simple for people who had no idea what I was talking about that I just gave up my big vocabulary. I need to get out of that habit (of making things simple). Especially at work, just cause I need to make a good impression on them. They pay my tuition after all.
And I want to be a student worker of the month.

I'm gonna give role playing a try. I made one character (Lyle) and I haven't tested him out yet. I mean, I don't understand what you do after you make the character. Do you just pop up in and around the forum posting in other people's role playing scenario? (go vocab!) I don't wanna be a dummy and ask, but, I dunno.

Dunno is a fun word. I've been saying it alot. Along with wanna. But wanna isn't as fun as dunno. I dunno. (GOD I'M SUCH A DORK!! he he)

I give up on studying. I really do.

Now, here's some drama. This guy Allen who's in all my classes (we move as a group in school blog, same people all day) is weird. I know I shouldn't be talking (see above) but he is.

Yesterday he whispered something to this other boy in my class (during math) and I just knew it was about me. I had that little sense you know? It's like, you feel this little tingle in your back and it makes you turn and look. Plus, the boys were looking dead at me and the other boy whispered my name.

As soon as that happened, I became curious. What could they be talking about? Allen was a friend to me (I thought of him as a friend) and the other boy was a friend too. I just didn't know what they could be talking about.

When I asked what they were saying they both just laughed and Allen (whose a big guy by the way) just looked at Marque (the other boy) and like threatened him. I was nervous. As soon as the glances were exchanged between them I knew they were being mean. I knew they had to be saying something bad about me.

I bugged Allen and Marque about it and he (Allen) said he'd tell me in Theology (last class of the day). So I waited, and during the period in between math and theology I forgot about it. But then in the middle of Theology I had to ask (just to get the heartbreak/tears over with).

You know what Allen had to nerve to say? He said that he wouldn't ever date me because we were friends. It seems much tamer in print, but the way he said it initially burned. He said he didn't want to ruin our friendship by dating.

At first I was pissed. It was like a joke. Not that I like Allen or anything, but to have a member of the opposite sex say that to me (a boyfriend-desperate female), that he wouldn't date me, was crushing. Yeah yeah, friendship friendship, but doesn't every female want to be desired by every male? Well, not desired, but at least thought of as datable. I just can't explain it.

It hurt. Ouch. In retrospect (as much as a person can have in one day) it was dumb of me to get mad. All he said is that he didn't want me, ho hum. Who cares. But then, why were they talking about me anyway? I dunno.

But, on a good note, I think Allen likes me. Even though I don't like him in that way (he's a pervert/he tries waaay to hard to fit into the goth stereotype/he's asked every female at school to date him), it's nice to have somebody like me. It gives me a mini boost of confidence. A boy, the elusive, exclusive, boy, likes me. Just get rid of Allen and get to the core of the situation. A boy, a male, the opposite sex, a human being, enjoys and likes (like-likes) Ariel. Me. It's so odd! It gives me a stomach ache. I'm not used to people liking me. Especially boys. Wow.

'Shroom-trip over. Reality sets in. Allen is crazy. I saw in his notebook "Ariel and I will go to the prom together someday." That's exactly what it said. No lie. I remember cause I almost ran out the room. Lol, it was weird. But, he likes me! Wow.

The meaning of sluts have been found! The hormone rush (I can't spell the brain chemicals I'm trying to describe) that a boy's attention gives is addicting! Not so addicting that I'll give away my body to him for it, but this small dose is nice.

I'm still stuck on how Allen actually wants to date me (after lots of angry thinking I came to that conclusion). He said he did (today) but he didn't want to ruin our friendship. Yeah yeah. Too bad, I would of said no anyway. I'm not socially ready for a relationship. I'd weird the boy out.

Well, I should get off....I don't want to blog. It's so nice to just release my problems...

OH NO!!! I'm moving tomorrow and Saturday! NOOOO! When will I see you again blog? (Hey, I should name you.) When will I release my teenage angst? Ah, the way my mom puts it, we will have the net as soon as we move into the house. Only problem is, who will put the computer back together?

Well, without the Internet as a distraction I won't have to worry about completely blowing off studying for finals.

Well, blog, I'll leave you now. It's really odd how I personify you (I'm working on vocab for finals too by the way). It's like you're a person. A person who'll never hate me, or tell me to shut the hell up, or tell me I write to much.

Or tell me you like me.