I know I'm mean, ok?

Well, first, sorry I haven't written in a while. The play has been keeping me busy. I really doubt it will come together by tomorrow. People don't know their lines, they forgot their dances, the director keeps skipping parts and there are some parts that we haven't even gone over until now. I shouldn't really be worrying about it though, since I'm not in the play. I'm an assistant.

Ok, my title comes from today. As usual I was whining and complaining and saying I was depressed. I was joking though (I'm rarely serious) and me and Roberta and my crush Andrew (he'll never read this!) was laughing it up. Then I got to the subject of how I don't like a certain group of people (the black popular people, I'll go through the whole racial/popularity thing in my class later) and how they didn't like me. It was all said in good fun. Then Andrew asked why they didn't like me and I said I didn't know.Then, Nneka (I mentioned this bitch in earlier posts) had the nerve to butt in and say "Oh, I know why they don't like you Ariel,". I instantly cut her off. I didn't want to hear. But then, the natural urge for information came over me and I asked Roberta (whose a little more cool with Nneka than I am) to find out why those people didn't like me. I know, I know, I was setting myself up for emotional heartbreak. But I really wanted to know. So, Roberta found out and told me. Here's the list of why the black popular people hate me (and yes, I said list):

1.That whole group is mad about an email I sent them in the BEGINNING OF THE YEAR!! In the email I said I was smarter than that whole group and that they needed to stop being such followers and to never email my ass again. The killer part is, they sent a mean email to me first!! I didn't randomly one day say, "I'm gonna send these bitches a mean email!" No, I just replied back to a mean email. Nobosy seems to want to mention the fact that I got sent a mean email first, NOT the other way around. Bitches.

2.They're mad because after the email thing, my mom came to school and cussed them out. I would hate someone too if there mom came and cussed me out. That's the ONLY understandable reason as to me being hated.

3.Something about me and Nick (my used-to-be-friend-then-enemy-but-is-becoming-my-best-friend). Charneice, who likes Nick, was mad because Nick was talking to me again...Who knows? I do know it's stupid though.

4.Nneka couldn't remember the rest. Jesus. The Rest! I couldn't believe it was more.

After about an hour of me bitching and moaning about the faults in that list, I finally gave up and accepted it. I'm not perfect. No one is. I have loads of faults. Tons.But then Nneka had to piss me off again by saying (under her breath in front of me) that I was a *fucking bitch*, after I told her to get out of me and Andrew's conversation. Then she said I was mean, and Andrew said I was mean too. But, I know that! Of course I'm mean, and whiny, and annoying. I know all that. But the true reason I was pissed at Nneka was because all of her *popular friends* (which I say with caution) are mean and complete bitches! To each other! Not to just random people, to each other! God.

After that, Andrew made me think about my perception, because he said, "How do you even know they don't like you? Maybe you just think they do because you push people away." So, I'm gonna think about that. I mean, I never knew I pushed people away (I would have to if I'm mean though..) I don't want to push people away, but then again, I don't want to be mean, whiny and annoying either. I'll have to think about that. What if those popular bitches actually tolerate my existance, but I push them away and think they hate me? That's a radical thought. Scary too, cause that would mean I'm a hateful bitch. I don't want to be a hateful bitch, because hateful bitches push people away. But then again, don't hateful bitches have loads of friends? Why don't I have loads of friends, if I'm a hateful bitch? Why?

Well, I have play practice to go to (AGAIN). All I have to say is: I love elfin pirates, cause they AWESOME! I drew one the other day. I love him!